I used to know someone who said "Water finds its own level." He was talking about people when he said it, to which I'd reply, "What if you live in the desert?"

God, I'm witty.

We move through life collecting people, places and things that reflect and define us. But what if you aren't moving at all?

What if you're just sitting there while the water flows all around you looking for its level?

You find yourself surrounded by anything the current couldn't push.

That's what I got. Unmoveable, unchangeable rocks in the stream, the bunch of us huddled together while rhe river of life flows on by... too dumb to know we're drowning in it.
- Joe Kelly, "River Rocks"

"Bad Dog"
I have the worst roommate on the planet. I almost never see him. He never has his half of the rent, and he's always spending my money on shit he doesn't need. He eats my food without asking, and he's always playing pranks on me when I'm sleeping.

I call him Drunk Lenar and I hate his fucking guts but can't seem to get rid of him.

Case in point: I wake up half an hour late for work -- because he unplugged my alarm clock -- on the kitchen floor, and when I check the fridge, he's eaten the steak I bought and left the dishes for me to do.

He gives me such a headache!

"Bad Wolf"
I know I used to be the kind of guy who went looking for trouble where he had no business searching, but I'm not that guy anymore... but trouble still finds me.

You may not remember, but I've always had this sense of things... and right now I've got this sense that there's trouble coming down the pipeline, and I don't have the energy I used to.

My doom is out there, I just know it.

"Dog Eat Dog"
Life is kicking my ass right now and I don't know why and I don't know how to fight back. Or maybe I'm just to old or scared and wasted away to remember...

"Old Dog, Old Tricks"
There are things I used to be good at, but I'm not anymore.

This is one of those things...

This year, much goes down around you, and others need you to keep their spirits up. Communication could be stilted for the first half of the year, but it will loosen up. Avoid power plays at all costs. SAGITTARIUS can push your buttons.
-Jacqueline Bigar

"Doctor? You take care now..."
"You, too. Chops and gravy... Lovely."
"No. But you be careful. Because your song is ending, sir."
"What do you mean?"
"It is returning... It is returning through the dark. And then, Doctor.. oh but then... He will knock four times."
-Russell T. Davis & Gareth Roberts, "Planet of the Dead"

"Chops & Gravy"
I've always liked having my birthday when I do (and by "always liked" I mean, "really enjoyed -- over the last five or six years")... because my birthday is about midway through the year, and that means that I have two markers throughout the year in which I can evaluate my progress thus far...

Every New Years and July 4th, I can ask myself "How'm I doin'?" and adjust my goals accordingly. I always base these judgements on three criteria, and this year, I've actually made some headway, because while I'm a virgin who hasn't published any writing since January 2006, I no longer live with my Granny and I DO have an apartment of my own.

Of course, this year, as I turn 27... I find myself concerned with the legacy of The Fourth Incarnation of Clark. This is my last year before The Fifth Incarnation of Clark comes to bare. What have I really accomplished over the last six years?!? Sure there was that half a Spider-Man story, but what else?

Exactly.

So, with a year left to live, I, Lenar Clark Mark IV, would like to write that shitty novel... if for no other reason than to get it out of my system. And I'd like to see the Pacific Ocean -- like Lenar Clark Mark III got to -- just once before I die. And, dammit, I'm gonna try to blog more. I know I always say that and always fail, but in my heart of hearts, I've never felt as complete as I did in the height of my blogging. HELL. Clark Mark 4 was born of blogging!!!

Oh... And I sure wouldn't say no to no poon nanny.

But of course -- God willing -- The Fifth Incarnation of Clark will begin his adventures in Chicago...

This is our decision to live fast and die young.
We've got the vision, now let's have some fun!
-MGMT, "Time to Pretend"

"Batman & Robin Will Never Die"
I swear to whatever ridiculous GOD you choose to believe in, this stupid fucking useless FUCKING blog will NEVER DIE!!!

I know, I know. I'm always going on and on about how this blog matters (and how it really and truly doesn't). The sad truth, though, is that this blog DOES matter to me, whether I'm actively writing it or not. (Especially when I'm NOT writing it. [The ALL CAPS thing is something I've picked up from comic book class -- MORE ON THAT LATER.])

Here's the thing: at some point in the middle of NOT writing my blog, I realized that I only had 4 or 6 entries to write before I hit a nice, even 300 entries... blogger's always seemed to consider 300 entries as one's limit, but I've never really known what happens after 300 entries. (Does blogger start deleting them?!?)

But at this point, I'm not sure I CARE what happens and I'm willing to see how it plays out, which is why you've got an entry right here and now. (Especially since I've got some time to figure it out.)

And that's why'w why I have to figure I have some time to

"Batman Beware"
Hey there, reader. How are things? I'm good.

Um, about the post you just read? I don't know what to tell you. Bourbon can do strange things to me. Strange things indeed.

I wanted to go back and fix it, but I have no idea how I was going to finish that sentence, or where this post was ultimately going.

Let's just say that's I'm back and wait six or eight months for me to write a follow up? Sound like a plan? Tough.

NEXT:
I don't want to make any more crazy promises...

But oh no where are you tonight?
And how'd we get here?
It's too late to break it off
I need a release
The signal's a cough
But that don't get me off
I summon you to appear, my love
- Spoon, "I Summon You"

"Complaints Department"
Am I crazy, or is "The Underdog" the exact same song as "I Summon You"? What do you mean I'm crazy?! I am not!

But I can't be the only one who actively dislikes the "Videos being watched right now..." banner on YouTube. Because from what I've seen, I'd really rather not know...

What happened to the packing craftmanship on eBay? I used to win comic auctions and rest assured by the knowledge that I'd be receiving some well maintained books. Nowadays, I seem to receive some of the most creased and banged up comic books I've ever seen outside of a bargain box. Maybe it's because I've been ordering Punisher and Deadpool books. Fans of gun-toting psycho soldiers just have different priorities than the rest of us and I guess I gotta accept that...

What's with Fox bumping New Amsterdam to a midseason replacement instead of premiering in the fall? I mean, let's face it: there's no way the show's going to be a hit, especially not in the face of the heat getting thrown this season, and it'd probably get cancelled it after two episodes were tossed at truly awkward times on the schedule, prompting the shows fifteen diehard fans to declare they'd boycott Fox for all time, but so what? That's the way things just gotta roll sometimes. I wanted to watch the show now...

Hey, have you heard the song "Marry Me" by St. Vincent? Well if you haven't, you should. It contains the most deliciously dismissive reference to Jesus Christ I have ever heard. And what's even better is, it was completely and totally uncalled for. There was no need for that shit, but she laid it down anyway. And that's what makes it art. Marry me, Annie Clark. You don't have to take my name if you don't want...

This wasn't supposed to be my life. Everything I did in school was to prevent this from becoming my life. My life was supposed to be more like this...




And while we're on the subject, why can't I get drunk in New York? Everytime I go to a bar in this city, no matter how much I drink/spend, I barely feel a buzz. What up, Big Apple? You watering down your wares? Oh, you are, aren't you, you shady little bitch...

When is Abe Vigoda gonna kick the bucket? You had a good run, Fish. Go ahead and give up the ghost, man. Me and Prew-Prew got work to do...

And why won't the universe leave me the hell alone? I give up. Hell, I gave up a year ago. You win, Universe. YOU WIN. But no. You just gotta keep on pokin' the old bear. For fucksake!

I'm a man of peace! I'm done killin'...

A Reminder...

And dance your final dance
This is your final chance
To hold the one you love
You know you've waited long enough

So, believe that magic works
Don't be afraid
Of bein' hurt
Don't let this magic die
The answer's there
Oh, just look in her eyes

And make
Your final move
Mmm, don't be scared
She wants you to
It's hard
You must be brave
Don't let this moment slip the way

Believe that magic works
Don't be afraid
Afraid of bein' hurt
No, don't let this magic die
Ooh, the answer's there
Yeah, just look in her eyes

And don't believe that magic can die
No, no, no, this magic can't die
So dance, your final dance.
'Cause this is, your final chance
-Jason Buckle, Steve Claydon, Jarvis Cocker, & Jonny Greenwood, "Magic Works"

"The Weird Sisters Ain't Got Nothing On Us!"
Hey there, Harry Potheads!

There's this guy at work who's got a band. They've been jokingly calling it Someone Still Loves You Nelson Mandela. Anyway, they scored a gig playing at one of the Harry Potter parties at area bookstores, and I volunteered to help them come up with Potter-centric songs. A few modified covers and two or three original songs. So, if you're going to be in the New York/New Jersey area tonight and have nothing else to do, come on down to the Barnes and Noble on Route 17 in Paramus to watch Baby-Headed Deatheater play one night only.

(I came up with the name. That can now, finally, be marked off the list of things I want to do before I die)

We're on at about 10 so come early and get some funnel cake and you'll be buzzed on sugar and ready to sing along... Wait, what's that, you say, gentle blog reader? You can't sing along because you don't know the words? Well rest easy, little friend. You know ol' Clarkers wouldn't leave you pissing in the wind...

"Muggle People"
She came from France
She had arcane knowledge
She studied magic at Beauxbatons College
That's where I caught her eye.

She told me that she was a pureblood
I said, "In that case can you make bourbon from mud?"
She said, "Fine," and in thirty seconds time she said,

"I want to live like muggle people.
"I want to do whatever muggle people do.
"I want to sleep with muggle people.
"I want to sleep with muggle people, like you."

Well what else could I do?
I said, "I'll see what I can do."

I took her to Kings Cross Station.
I don't know why, but I had to start it somewhere,
So it started there.

I said, "Pretend you can't do magic."
She just frowned and said "That's so tragic."
I said "Yeah?" Well, I can't see anyone else transfigurin' here!

"Are you sure you want to live like muggle people?
"You want to see whatever muggle people see?
"You want to sleep with muggle people?
"You want to sleep with muggle people like me?"
But, she didn't appreciate it.
She just spun and apparated.

Get your mail from just some man,
Scrape your food out of a can
Sweep with a broom and look the fool
Pretend you never went to school.
But still, you'll never get it right.
When you're lying in bed at night,
Watching roaches climb the wall,
If you waved your wand you could stop it all.
Yeah!

You'll never live like muggle people.
You'll never do whatever muggle people do.
You'll never fail like muggle people.
You'll never watch your life slide out of view,
Completely unaware of You-Know-Who
Because there's nothing else to do.

Sing along with the muggle people.
Sing along, and it might just get you through
Laugh along with the muggle people.
Laugh along, even though they're lauging at you
And the stupid things that you do
'cause you think powerless is cool.

Like a werewolf crouched in a corner,
They'll bite you and never warn you,
Look out!
They'll tear your insides out.
'cause everybody hates a wizard
Especially one who thinks
it's all such a laugh
Yeah, and the polyjuice stains
will come out in the bath

You will never understand
How it feels to live your life
With no magic or control
And without spells like "Accio!"
You're amazed that they exist
And they burn so bright,
while you can only wonder why.

Get your mail from just some man,
Scrape your food out of a can
Sweep with a broom and look the fool
Pretend you never went to school

But still, you'll never get it right.
'Cause when you're lying in bed at night,
Watching roaching climb the wall,
If you waved your wand you could stop it all.
Yeah!

You'll never live like muggle people
You'll never do what muggle people do.
You'll never fail like muggle people.
You'll never watch your life slide out of view,
Completely unaware of You-Know-Who
Because there's nothing else to do.

I want to sleep with muggle people, like you.
I want to sleep with muggle people, like you.
I want to sleep with muggle people, like you.

"Grawp (He's Heavy AND My Brother)"
Sad when a giant comes up short
Glad when he don't fall in with Voldemort
Bad when your brother don't know your name
Mad that you love him just the same

Grawp
He's heavy
Grawp
He's my brother
Grawp
He's heavy and my brother

Leave him tied up in the woods
Safe from those bastards in their hoods
They might just give me the sack
But I always got your back

Grawp
He's heavy
Grawp
He's my brother
Grawp
He's heavy and my brother

Wish I'd got to watch you grow
Hope you don't have to stoop too low
Want not to live with such regret
But I'm your brother, don't forget

Grawp
He's heavy
Grawp
He's my brother
Grawp
He's heavy and my brother

"Accio Your Heart"
Accio your heart
And it'd shoot out like a rocket
I'd catch it like a golden snitch
And stick it in my pocket

Accio your love
To warm me in this blizzard
You're as pretty as a vela
And I'm a lonesome wizard

Accio my love
It's yours forever more
There is no greater magic
You're the one that I adore

Accio my soul
It'll shoot out like a rocket
Make of me a horcrux
You can seal it in a locket...

Accio, O Accio
Accio

"Quidditch Pitch Britannia"
The crowd is buzzing on butterbeer
The match is starting but I ain't got no fear
I waxed my broom so that I'll go real fast
I waxed my broom because it's really a blast
He's playing beater 'cause he don’t like your face
I’m playing seeker because I fly like an ace
That snitch zippin' around in the haze
We’re playing quidditch, we’re playing quidditch!

You take your Nim' 2K
I'll take my 'bolt
And when the snitch is found
My team will score

My chasers and my beaters all come along
They seem invincible as they soar along
The bludgers hit you like a thousand pound keg
We're playing quidditch, we're playing quidditch!

You take your Nim' 2K
I'll take my 'bolt
And when the snitch is found
My team will score

You take your Nim' 2K
I'll take my 'bolt
And when the snitch is found
My team will score

All along the scoring posts
Keepers block off goals
When I soar the quidditch pitch
I don't wanna go home

All along the scoring posts
Keepers block off goals
When I soar the quidditch pitch
I don't wanna go home

You take your Nim' 2K
I'll take my 'bolt
And when the snitch is found
My team will score

All along the scoring posts (you take your Nim' 2K)
Keepers block off goals (I'll take my 'bolt)
When I soar the quidditch pitch (and when the snitch is found)
I don't wanna go home (my team will score)

You take your Nim' 2K
I'll take my 'bolt
And when the snitch is found
My team will score

You take your Nim' 2K
I'll take my 'bolt
You take your Nim' 2K
I'll take my 'bolt
Let's go!

NEXT:
"Deadpool War Journal"

What happens to a dream deferred?

Does it dry up
like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore -
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over -
like a syrupy sweet?

Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.

Or does it explode?
- Langston Hughes, "Harlem"

"My Dream Deferred"
My Marvel Guy is Marvel No More. He isn't DC, either. He ain't even Image. He's going freelance. If anything, he's competition.

So it's official. After a once promising start, my long suffering fledgling comic book career died a month ago and I didn't even notice.

It died from neglect mostly, and I have to own up to that. I let it die and tried to save it too late.

What can we do though? Sometimes we try and fail. Sometimes we fail to try and fail because of it. We just have to learn from it and dust ourselves off or something else that instills a sense of hope and determination I'm really not feeling at this moment...

NEXT:
Just a Pilgrim