"Maybe we just don't see ourselves the way we really are."
"Is it that hard to just make us look cool?!"
- Almost Famous
"Interview with the Vampire"
Remember when I said that someone was doing a profile about me for their magazine class? I read it. It left me rather non-plused.
Now, I'm the first person to admit that I'm a pathetic loser, because, come on, self-deprecation is hilarious when it's done right. It's the difference between Conan O'Brien and Dave Letterman. Jon Stewart and Jay Leno. Plus the more you dig on yourself, the more you're allowed to dig on other people. For example: "Will Honley's a big honkin' geek who watches Dawson's Creek!" by itself seems mean-spirited and out of line. But "Will Honley's a big honkin' geek who watches Dawson's Creek, and I should know, we can smell our own," seems comical and all to relevent by contrast.
And that's the secret of why I don't get beaten up more.
Now, as quick as I am to cop to the wretchedness of my existence, why are my profiler's always so hip to do so to the extreme? Am I missing something? Does everyone think I'm such a goddamned hopeless freak? Is it so difficult to write about me going to the comic book store every week without visualizing me doing so alone and unloved and in a depressive funk? Is it impossible to get the facts straight?
This woman makes it sound like my entire life is comics... She forgot about TV and Kate Jeffries.
She paints my mother as a devout Catholic out to indulge her crazed son's comic hazed whims, and not as the sharp pragmatist who refused her requests for a telephone interview until I gave her the okay.
She says Bloomsday's the most charismatic character in the series, while Dildo the Drunken Monkey is by far the most beloved character I've ever written.
She makes a vague insinuation that I see Daffy Duck as a symbol of the Black Power Movement, when all I said was that the first time I'd heard the phrase "Little Black Duck" was in a Looney Toons cartoon.
And she seems to be under the impression that at one point, I was so obsessed with Erin Tuttle that I gave her a 428 page graphic novel about the two of us, which I eventually took back from her under the pretense of needing research for a follow up story and now refuse to return, because the two of us have "drifted apart" and "do not speak any more".
Okay. So she got one kind of right.
I've written a profile or two in my day, and generally, I've tried to do so coming from the perspective that I'm writing about a human being and not a cartoon character. Somehow, I thought the point was to present the person as someone whom you could believe in, and not a grotesque caricature of such. You're supposed to respect the subject, right? Even if you don't quite understand them, you're supposed to respect them, aren't you?
But hey, like the Master Storyteller said, "No one ever sold newspapers by telling you the truth; life just ain't that bad."
"My Lord, I'm Self-Obsessed"
Well, it's Sweeps Week (more on that later). I've been perusing other blogs, and it's got me thinking: How is "This is Your Life Now. This is Adult Swim" doing? Are my entries too long? What about subject matter? Do I need to weigh in on the whole Soda vs. Pop vs. Coke debate (I call it "soda" unless I specifically want a Coca-Cola product, which is all the friggin' time)? Should I, too, obsess over my advertising banner as if it could possibly be some indicator of who I am as a person, or should I continue with my stance that it's probably decided by computer algorithms calculating the number of times I use words like "Amazing Spider-Man" or "Gilmore Girls" or "Man, do I love Ben Folds Five"? Do you want me to get out more? What do you think about an essay on my thoughts on writing short stories or about Paul Jenkin's run on Peter Parker: Spider-Man? Should I kill off Kate Jeffries? Do you want more anecdotes about my dad or various pets? Should I post some fiction? Do I need to introduce a love interest? How do you feel about the use of artwork in the last month or so?
Speak up, folks. I want attention and I'm willing to do whatever I must to keep yours.
"Sweeps Week"
I watched The Simpsons on Sunday, but that was more out of habit than anything else. I don't even know what to feel about that show anymore, but hey, I guess FOX only cares that I watch it, be it for reasons sentimental or otherwise... When did Lois have another kid on Malcolm in the Middle? Looks like they're doing a little to change Dewey's character, which is good because he's too old to be as funny as he used to be... Arrested Development wasn't bad at all. I think Hank would agree that any chance to see David Cross is a chance worth taking. But I can't be the only one who feels that George Michael's (the character, not the rocker/wanker) incestuous obsession with his cousin is more unsettling than amusing... Everwood certainly went for the hardware on Monday, and I think they would have had an actual shot it they'd had Kathryn Joosten on the show and killed her off somehow. I swear, that woman cannot die on TV without someone getting a Humanitas Award. But what about this lighthouse they built? Are we going to be seeing this in the background from now on? If not, I'll be a little disappointed... Gilmore Girls was delightful as ever. What impresses me most about this show is its ability to draw upon pop culture references constantly without doing so in a way that annoys the piss out of me like, say Will & Grace. One thing that Brent and I have been talking about is how much difficulty we've been having believing Rory's boy troubles. In one episode, she asked a guy if he wanted to get some coffee, and he booked out of the laundry room like she was a fucking leper or something. And the week after that, when she was competing with that other guy for the study tree, I had no idea why this schmuck was copping a 'tude with her, and not bending over backwards to please her -- ostensibly so that he might talk her into bend over backwards to please him. (Was that too much? Yeah, I thought so, too.) All I'm saying is that if Rory Gilmore wants something done, I don't know why these guys ain't doing it... I've long appreciated what Smallville's been doing by updating and revering the Superman mythos while at the same time, doing their own thing. It's what makes Ultimate Spider-Man so damn popular while Untold Tales of Spider-Man -- great as it was -- barely made it two years, and at a 99 cent cover price. Having Perry White show up as a washed-up alcoholic tabloid consultant is a great example of this. But this week's episode might have gone too far. We're now supposed to believe that Jor-El came to Smallville in 1961, banged Lana's great aunt a few times, met Hiram Kent while Jonathan was still gestating, and then skipped out of town while thinking "You know, if my planet ever blows up and I want to save my only son, maybe I'll send him to this nice little town here?" What the fuck?! And is it just me, or are all the Langs just sluts? Lana's great aunt was cheating on her husband, just like Lana's mom was cheating on hers? And that's another thing I never got. They made Lana Lang half Korean in the show, which is fine with me, because I'm not one of those crazed comic purists who thinks that the Kingpin's just got to be white (seriously, there are other concerns in Daredevil. Believe me), and I'm the number one supporter of a black Spider-Man (tell me it's not the role Jaleel White was born and raised to play, and I'll call you a liar), and it makes a lot more sense for someone with the last name Lang to be Asian instead of a red head, right? But it was obvious that Lana's dad had to be the Korean one, because, hello, her Aunt Nell was whiter than white and her mother's sister. Then last season, you find out that Mr. Lang wasn't her father, but instead it was Henry Small, also whiter than white. So my question is, where did the Korean come from? Aw, the whole show just sucks... I finally watched the last three weeks worth of Ed, and I'm not sure how I feel about this show anymore. I think it reminds me too much of how nice it was back when girls liked me liked me... My only complaint about Scrubs: Are they ever going too show the really rauchy and risque episode with Barry Boswick that Bill Lawrence swore up and down would be funny as hell in TV Guide? But you know what's great about Scrubs? There are some actors whom I think should play brothers. Jon Stewart and Steven Webber. Matthew Perry and Joshua Jackson. Jake Gyllenhaal and Tobey Maguire. Jaleel White and James Van Der Beek (Trust me on this I'm working on the screenplay right now). And at the exact moment it occurred to me that Tom Cavanagh could play Zack Braff's brother, it happened. And this week, it happened again, and with a scene between our erstwhile Ed and Doctor Cox that just about brought The Barrio down.
Guess I answered my own question about whether the entries are too long.
"Is it that hard to just make us look cool?!"
- Almost Famous
"Interview with the Vampire"
Remember when I said that someone was doing a profile about me for their magazine class? I read it. It left me rather non-plused.
Now, I'm the first person to admit that I'm a pathetic loser, because, come on, self-deprecation is hilarious when it's done right. It's the difference between Conan O'Brien and Dave Letterman. Jon Stewart and Jay Leno. Plus the more you dig on yourself, the more you're allowed to dig on other people. For example: "Will Honley's a big honkin' geek who watches Dawson's Creek!" by itself seems mean-spirited and out of line. But "Will Honley's a big honkin' geek who watches Dawson's Creek, and I should know, we can smell our own," seems comical and all to relevent by contrast.
And that's the secret of why I don't get beaten up more.
Now, as quick as I am to cop to the wretchedness of my existence, why are my profiler's always so hip to do so to the extreme? Am I missing something? Does everyone think I'm such a goddamned hopeless freak? Is it so difficult to write about me going to the comic book store every week without visualizing me doing so alone and unloved and in a depressive funk? Is it impossible to get the facts straight?
This woman makes it sound like my entire life is comics... She forgot about TV and Kate Jeffries.
She paints my mother as a devout Catholic out to indulge her crazed son's comic hazed whims, and not as the sharp pragmatist who refused her requests for a telephone interview until I gave her the okay.
She says Bloomsday's the most charismatic character in the series, while Dildo the Drunken Monkey is by far the most beloved character I've ever written.
She makes a vague insinuation that I see Daffy Duck as a symbol of the Black Power Movement, when all I said was that the first time I'd heard the phrase "Little Black Duck" was in a Looney Toons cartoon.
And she seems to be under the impression that at one point, I was so obsessed with Erin Tuttle that I gave her a 428 page graphic novel about the two of us, which I eventually took back from her under the pretense of needing research for a follow up story and now refuse to return, because the two of us have "drifted apart" and "do not speak any more".
Okay. So she got one kind of right.
I've written a profile or two in my day, and generally, I've tried to do so coming from the perspective that I'm writing about a human being and not a cartoon character. Somehow, I thought the point was to present the person as someone whom you could believe in, and not a grotesque caricature of such. You're supposed to respect the subject, right? Even if you don't quite understand them, you're supposed to respect them, aren't you?
But hey, like the Master Storyteller said, "No one ever sold newspapers by telling you the truth; life just ain't that bad."
"My Lord, I'm Self-Obsessed"
Well, it's Sweeps Week (more on that later). I've been perusing other blogs, and it's got me thinking: How is "This is Your Life Now. This is Adult Swim" doing? Are my entries too long? What about subject matter? Do I need to weigh in on the whole Soda vs. Pop vs. Coke debate (I call it "soda" unless I specifically want a Coca-Cola product, which is all the friggin' time)? Should I, too, obsess over my advertising banner as if it could possibly be some indicator of who I am as a person, or should I continue with my stance that it's probably decided by computer algorithms calculating the number of times I use words like "Amazing Spider-Man" or "Gilmore Girls" or "Man, do I love Ben Folds Five"? Do you want me to get out more? What do you think about an essay on my thoughts on writing short stories or about Paul Jenkin's run on Peter Parker: Spider-Man? Should I kill off Kate Jeffries? Do you want more anecdotes about my dad or various pets? Should I post some fiction? Do I need to introduce a love interest? How do you feel about the use of artwork in the last month or so?
Speak up, folks. I want attention and I'm willing to do whatever I must to keep yours.
"Sweeps Week"
I watched The Simpsons on Sunday, but that was more out of habit than anything else. I don't even know what to feel about that show anymore, but hey, I guess FOX only cares that I watch it, be it for reasons sentimental or otherwise... When did Lois have another kid on Malcolm in the Middle? Looks like they're doing a little to change Dewey's character, which is good because he's too old to be as funny as he used to be... Arrested Development wasn't bad at all. I think Hank would agree that any chance to see David Cross is a chance worth taking. But I can't be the only one who feels that George Michael's (the character, not the rocker/wanker) incestuous obsession with his cousin is more unsettling than amusing... Everwood certainly went for the hardware on Monday, and I think they would have had an actual shot it they'd had Kathryn Joosten on the show and killed her off somehow. I swear, that woman cannot die on TV without someone getting a Humanitas Award. But what about this lighthouse they built? Are we going to be seeing this in the background from now on? If not, I'll be a little disappointed... Gilmore Girls was delightful as ever. What impresses me most about this show is its ability to draw upon pop culture references constantly without doing so in a way that annoys the piss out of me like, say Will & Grace. One thing that Brent and I have been talking about is how much difficulty we've been having believing Rory's boy troubles. In one episode, she asked a guy if he wanted to get some coffee, and he booked out of the laundry room like she was a fucking leper or something. And the week after that, when she was competing with that other guy for the study tree, I had no idea why this schmuck was copping a 'tude with her, and not bending over backwards to please her -- ostensibly so that he might talk her into bend over backwards to please him. (Was that too much? Yeah, I thought so, too.) All I'm saying is that if Rory Gilmore wants something done, I don't know why these guys ain't doing it... I've long appreciated what Smallville's been doing by updating and revering the Superman mythos while at the same time, doing their own thing. It's what makes Ultimate Spider-Man so damn popular while Untold Tales of Spider-Man -- great as it was -- barely made it two years, and at a 99 cent cover price. Having Perry White show up as a washed-up alcoholic tabloid consultant is a great example of this. But this week's episode might have gone too far. We're now supposed to believe that Jor-El came to Smallville in 1961, banged Lana's great aunt a few times, met Hiram Kent while Jonathan was still gestating, and then skipped out of town while thinking "You know, if my planet ever blows up and I want to save my only son, maybe I'll send him to this nice little town here?" What the fuck?! And is it just me, or are all the Langs just sluts? Lana's great aunt was cheating on her husband, just like Lana's mom was cheating on hers? And that's another thing I never got. They made Lana Lang half Korean in the show, which is fine with me, because I'm not one of those crazed comic purists who thinks that the Kingpin's just got to be white (seriously, there are other concerns in Daredevil. Believe me), and I'm the number one supporter of a black Spider-Man (tell me it's not the role Jaleel White was born and raised to play, and I'll call you a liar), and it makes a lot more sense for someone with the last name Lang to be Asian instead of a red head, right? But it was obvious that Lana's dad had to be the Korean one, because, hello, her Aunt Nell was whiter than white and her mother's sister. Then last season, you find out that Mr. Lang wasn't her father, but instead it was Henry Small, also whiter than white. So my question is, where did the Korean come from? Aw, the whole show just sucks... I finally watched the last three weeks worth of Ed, and I'm not sure how I feel about this show anymore. I think it reminds me too much of how nice it was back when girls liked me liked me... My only complaint about Scrubs: Are they ever going too show the really rauchy and risque episode with Barry Boswick that Bill Lawrence swore up and down would be funny as hell in TV Guide? But you know what's great about Scrubs? There are some actors whom I think should play brothers. Jon Stewart and Steven Webber. Matthew Perry and Joshua Jackson. Jake Gyllenhaal and Tobey Maguire. Jaleel White and James Van Der Beek (Trust me on this I'm working on the screenplay right now). And at the exact moment it occurred to me that Tom Cavanagh could play Zack Braff's brother, it happened. And this week, it happened again, and with a scene between our erstwhile Ed and Doctor Cox that just about brought The Barrio down.
Guess I answered my own question about whether the entries are too long.
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