There's no such thing as love
There's no such thing as God
There's no such this as you
There's no such thing as us
And tell me friends
When I'm down
Would you pick me up?
-The Head and the Heart, "My Friends"


"Let Lenny Be Lenny"
I was crazy busy around New Year's, so I didn't get the chance to come up with the usual resolutions. Mostly I come up with character-corrections. Lose weight. Stop drinking. Write a novel.

Since I didn't really have a chance to decide on midnight to stop drinking or start exercising, and as I've been going about my stupid, crazy life since the start of 2014, I've made a wholly different choice:

Be happy.

And what I've come to realize about so much of the deep unhappiness I've felt since I moved out to New Jersey is that it's self-inflicted. I've actively gone out of my way to stop doing the things that have brought me so much joy before all the joy in my life came out of alcohol and eating my feelings. Because I thought I was doing the right thing by giving it up. Because I'm an idiot.

"My Idiot Box is Bigger on the Inside"
I follow "How I Met Your Mother" on facebook, and the poor PR intern who maintains that nightmare is constantly besieged by complaints about this final season.

I think this season will seem far less "awful" "terrible" and "an abomination" when you can watch it all in one sitting on Netflix over a lazy weekend with someone you love who's never watched one of your favorite shows, but OH MY GOD, how great is it to watch it over again with fresh eyes...

(You have wondered from your point in a dramatic way.)

GODDAMMIT, CLARK-MITE, GO BACK TO FACEBOOK!

(Whatevs.)

The biggest complaint about the new season seems to be that it hasn't focused on Ted's future wife, who we met in last season's finale, played by the delightful Cristin Milioti -- whom I saw in Broadway's "Once", which is the only reason I didn't totally lose it when The Mother didn't end up being Alexandra Breckinridge, who I mathematical concluded would have to be The Mother based on weird, Homeland-style Carrie Mathisonian analytics.

All of a sudden, people are mad that "How I Met Your Mother" has nothing to do with Ted Mosby interacting with the mother of his children, and I shake my head because, it hasn't been about that since September 19, 2005 when it premiered. And you know what? I LOVED that moment when I realized that this show wasn't what I clumsily assumed it would be. And I loved all the years since then. And it seems like people have suddenly gotten crazily and violently incensed that they don't used the MacLaren's bar set as much as they used to. The basic complaint about this season seems to boil down to "THEY HAVEN'T COMPLETELY SHIFTED FOCUS TO THE NEW CHARACTER THEY INTRODUCED FOR FIVE SECONDS LAST YEAR, AND THE CHARACTERS I LIKE ARE ALL DRINKING AT A DIFFERENT PLACE I HAVEN'T SEEN BEFORE!!!"

I really don't know why I care. I don't care. I don't think I care, at least, and yet I can't help myself. I have to look at those comments. I have to know that people are this weird.

Maybe I just have to know that I'm that much smarter or savvy them that. Maybe that's the real thing. Maybe it's ego.

Because my other indulgence this way is "Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D." in which the constant complaint is that the Avengers haven't shown up yet. To which I constantly wonder, why the fuck would they?

You're talking about a TV show tangentially related to a major movie franchise. The bit where Sam Jackson showed up for 30-seconds was fun, but why the hell would Chris Evans hang out for a whole episode for TV guest star money when he should be out the surprising dark, "What's Your Number?" new-noir prequel spin-off?

And as much as crazy fanboys like I once was want to see existing Marvel characters on this show, why should Marvel make those commitments? Why should they toss, say, Luke Cage on the show for a guest spot on a TV budget and say "This is the guy that we're stuck with forever. If we ever want to do a high-grossing blockbuster featuring this character, we're stuck with this asshole who wondered into an open call audition instead of say, Will Smith.

(They could probably get Isaiah Mustafa, no problem...) BACK TO FACEBOOK, CLARK-MITE!!! I MEAN IT!

The major complaint seems to be that "Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D." isn't "Avengers: The TV Show," but they never said they were going to be, and I don't go out of my way to resent a show for it's essential premise. At the same time, I'm under the impression that this is the Marvel Cinematic Universe's best shot at giving us their version of Spider-Man or Wolverine, because Disney has the TV rights for all Marvel characters while the movie rights rest in other hands, and I don't think I'll survive to see the day that either Sony or Fox gives up those rights...

"Another Sad Blow to the Jackson Five"
What the hell, ABC? Now you're doing that stupid one-week-later on Hulu nonsense FOX gets up to? I mean, yes, I have Optimum, so I can just use that stupid TV-to-go crap to catch up on all the TV I miss when I pass out... but... you know... come on...

I should be drawing a stick-figure TARDIS inside another stick-figure TARDIS right now.