I'll be coming home next year...
- Foo Fighters, "Next Year"
“Human Nature”
Don’t you just hate it when people in general are watching the series finale of Dawson’s Creek with you and they
HA! Got you Jeffries. Boy! You should see the look on your face. Heh.
“Ms. Stuckeyville”
They renewed Ed. Who saw that coming? I sure didn’t. And I doubt that any of the many many people who told me that my favorite show was doomed saw it coming either.
“The Road”
In the last week, I’ve driven from Columbia to Kansas City and back. Than from Columbia, MO, to Columbia, SC, to Kansas City.
My experiences on the road have been horrible and strange:
I saw a correctional facility in Illinois, and you can’t possible understand my vague compulsion to live there. I want to go to prison. Don’t ask me why. But I promised I wouldn’t.
I wound my way through the Smoky Mountains at midnight.
I traveled forward through time.
I stood within the city limits of Metropolis.
And the same line from that Tenacious D song echoed over and over in my head.
”Charlotte and Wilbur”
Oh. I also saw a truckload of pigs.
“The Divorce”
It’s taken several days, but it has finally hit me that I no longer live in FARC. I lived there for three years. That’s half a Johnny. And looking back, it seems like my whole life happened in FARC. I mean, that’s where I sloughed off the childish moniker of “Lenar” and stepped into the manhood of “Clark”… or something like that.
On my last night, not only did I sleep on the floor, but I was reminded once more of the number one rule of living in a dorm…
Everything becomes a gathering within three minutes.
”May The Best Man Win”
I had the weirdest dream Saturday night. A regular “Who’s the better man Eddie Vedder?” type of thing.
”The Wedding”
My cousin Jermaine got married on Saturday. It was a lovely ceremony. Very funny, too.
”Trapped”
There was a time when I was younger in which I wanted to be an escape artist. It was after that episode of Batman: The Animated Series where Zatanna guest starred… and somehow, a book about a hamster named Houdini with a penchant for breaking out of his cage played into it. Which made The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay such a treat. Not to mention Y, The Last Man.
That being said, I have to say, I probably should have stuck with that dream, because as it is, I’m the most easily trapped person I know (maybe the second). I’ve spent the last seven years or so trapped in a cycle, and I’ve got to figure a way out.
“Makeovers”
My grandmother sells Mary Kay products now. You want any?
“Neighbors”
We moved across the street from my high school my senior year. At the time, it seemed like a great idea, because it meant I could sleep in… but now… now it’s just kind of weird.
You know what I mean, right Jeffries? You’re a sentimental type, too…
”Frankie”
I've given this a lot of thought -- way more than I should have -- and you know what?
I was pulling for Frankie. I really was. But she totally self destructed in those last couple of episodes. I mean, why the hell is she going to blame Ed for Carol’s insanity? How was that his fault? Ed did exactly what Frankie wanted, but it's obvious to me that she just wanted to be with Leon. It was completely frustrating. Completely.
”Partners”
I was watching Batman Forever yesterday, and according to my digital cable, it got Three Stars. Three! And this is a movie in which two security guards just stand there while Two-Face uses them to teach the Riddler how to punch… and their henchmen are robbing the place unchallenged in the background. Why? Why?!
”Hyenas & Wildebeests”
I was thinking about the Lion King today.
”The Case”
I suggested to my sister Ja’nelle that we wander the country in a van solving mysteries, and she looked at me like I was crazy. I thought it would be fun. Sue me.
”Blips”
Seriously. This is my last twenty-two topic long entry. From now on, I’ve got a seven topic minimum. We’re talking tiny entries from here on out. They’ll be blips.
”Good Advice
You ever notice that when most people think about the future, they’re actually thinking about the past? Honestly, trying to predict what’s going to happen in any given situation is really remembering what’s happened in similar situations in the past, and assuming that things will follow suit. Yes… history repeats itself, but is that because we keep asking history what it said?
”Captain Lucidity”
You know that episode of Ed when he has the crazy, hilarious, and highly entertaining lucid dream?
That’s when I knew.
We walked down to Brent’s that night, and I just had a funny feeling.
The Boy Next Door certainly didn’t help matters, but I’ve always tended to look for signs when I want them.
”Business As Usual”
I’m usually fine on my own. Really. Give me a stack of comic books, paper, some uniball pens, and cable, and I can sit in a corner by myself for weeks without really noticing I’m alone. But now…
I really freaking miss some of you people right now.
I’ve always been good at telling people I miss them. I can say it in ways you wouldn’t believe (I don’t mean to be immodest, but I’m pretty good with words), but today, it hit me that I would actually feel better if someone was there with me right then and there.
I’m a patient person. I’ve learned to wait for things… but I don’t feel like waiting to see you again.
“Babysitting”
Whenever my little sister Chelsey draws pictures of people, they look like monkeys. She’s rendered me as a chimp with glasses. Upon reflection, I think I’ve been considering arms legs when they’re not legs but arms. Still, she’s got a lot to learn about the subtle art of stick figures.
“Second Chances”
You know that Fiona Apple song “Never is a Promise”?
I love that song.
”The Movie”
I’ve heard the matrix-within-the-matrix theory many times, but I have to say, I’m not sure I buy it.
And how cool were those flying scenes? Me and My Crazed Roommate were laughing every time Ted took flight, and I didn’t understand why until we were talking about it afterward. We were laughing out of pure joy.
”The Decision”
Joey picking Pacey might work out for all the ladies who’ve been projecting themselves into Miss Potter’s role as Queen of All that is Fickle and Flaky, but what about us poor stupid schlubs who identified with Dawson all these years? I’m so freaking happy that all you girls get to celebrate letting go and moving on and can finally reconcile yourselves with the fact that you didn’t meet the person you're supposed to marry when you were in kindergarten, but I feel like Kevin Williamson himself took a steaming dump on the last few years of my Wednesday nights. What about Dawson?! Pacey stole his soulmate, and all he’s got to show for it is an incredibly successful career, the chance to meet his personal hero, and limitless possibility now that his romantic destiny is no longer shackled to a manipulative and self-righteous neurotic with two-toned hair and a perpetual confused look on her face…
Wait. Maybe it was a happy ending after all.
NEXT:
Beating a dead horse...
Things will never be the same.
- Foo Fighters, "Next Year"
“Human Nature”
Don’t you just hate it when people in general are watching the series finale of Dawson’s Creek with you and they
HA! Got you Jeffries. Boy! You should see the look on your face. Heh.
“Ms. Stuckeyville”
They renewed Ed. Who saw that coming? I sure didn’t. And I doubt that any of the many many people who told me that my favorite show was doomed saw it coming either.
“The Road”
In the last week, I’ve driven from Columbia to Kansas City and back. Than from Columbia, MO, to Columbia, SC, to Kansas City.
My experiences on the road have been horrible and strange:
I saw a correctional facility in Illinois, and you can’t possible understand my vague compulsion to live there. I want to go to prison. Don’t ask me why. But I promised I wouldn’t.
I wound my way through the Smoky Mountains at midnight.
I traveled forward through time.
I stood within the city limits of Metropolis.
And the same line from that Tenacious D song echoed over and over in my head.
”Charlotte and Wilbur”
Oh. I also saw a truckload of pigs.
“The Divorce”
It’s taken several days, but it has finally hit me that I no longer live in FARC. I lived there for three years. That’s half a Johnny. And looking back, it seems like my whole life happened in FARC. I mean, that’s where I sloughed off the childish moniker of “Lenar” and stepped into the manhood of “Clark”… or something like that.
On my last night, not only did I sleep on the floor, but I was reminded once more of the number one rule of living in a dorm…
Everything becomes a gathering within three minutes.
”May The Best Man Win”
I had the weirdest dream Saturday night. A regular “Who’s the better man Eddie Vedder?” type of thing.
”The Wedding”
My cousin Jermaine got married on Saturday. It was a lovely ceremony. Very funny, too.
”Trapped”
There was a time when I was younger in which I wanted to be an escape artist. It was after that episode of Batman: The Animated Series where Zatanna guest starred… and somehow, a book about a hamster named Houdini with a penchant for breaking out of his cage played into it. Which made The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay such a treat. Not to mention Y, The Last Man.
That being said, I have to say, I probably should have stuck with that dream, because as it is, I’m the most easily trapped person I know (maybe the second). I’ve spent the last seven years or so trapped in a cycle, and I’ve got to figure a way out.
“Makeovers”
My grandmother sells Mary Kay products now. You want any?
“Neighbors”
We moved across the street from my high school my senior year. At the time, it seemed like a great idea, because it meant I could sleep in… but now… now it’s just kind of weird.
You know what I mean, right Jeffries? You’re a sentimental type, too…
”Frankie”
I've given this a lot of thought -- way more than I should have -- and you know what?
I was pulling for Frankie. I really was. But she totally self destructed in those last couple of episodes. I mean, why the hell is she going to blame Ed for Carol’s insanity? How was that his fault? Ed did exactly what Frankie wanted, but it's obvious to me that she just wanted to be with Leon. It was completely frustrating. Completely.
”Partners”
I was watching Batman Forever yesterday, and according to my digital cable, it got Three Stars. Three! And this is a movie in which two security guards just stand there while Two-Face uses them to teach the Riddler how to punch… and their henchmen are robbing the place unchallenged in the background. Why? Why?!
”Hyenas & Wildebeests”
I was thinking about the Lion King today.
”The Case”
I suggested to my sister Ja’nelle that we wander the country in a van solving mysteries, and she looked at me like I was crazy. I thought it would be fun. Sue me.
”Blips”
Seriously. This is my last twenty-two topic long entry. From now on, I’ve got a seven topic minimum. We’re talking tiny entries from here on out. They’ll be blips.
”Good Advice
You ever notice that when most people think about the future, they’re actually thinking about the past? Honestly, trying to predict what’s going to happen in any given situation is really remembering what’s happened in similar situations in the past, and assuming that things will follow suit. Yes… history repeats itself, but is that because we keep asking history what it said?
”Captain Lucidity”
You know that episode of Ed when he has the crazy, hilarious, and highly entertaining lucid dream?
That’s when I knew.
We walked down to Brent’s that night, and I just had a funny feeling.
The Boy Next Door certainly didn’t help matters, but I’ve always tended to look for signs when I want them.
”Business As Usual”
I’m usually fine on my own. Really. Give me a stack of comic books, paper, some uniball pens, and cable, and I can sit in a corner by myself for weeks without really noticing I’m alone. But now…
I really freaking miss some of you people right now.
I’ve always been good at telling people I miss them. I can say it in ways you wouldn’t believe (I don’t mean to be immodest, but I’m pretty good with words), but today, it hit me that I would actually feel better if someone was there with me right then and there.
I’m a patient person. I’ve learned to wait for things… but I don’t feel like waiting to see you again.
“Babysitting”
Whenever my little sister Chelsey draws pictures of people, they look like monkeys. She’s rendered me as a chimp with glasses. Upon reflection, I think I’ve been considering arms legs when they’re not legs but arms. Still, she’s got a lot to learn about the subtle art of stick figures.
“Second Chances”
You know that Fiona Apple song “Never is a Promise”?
I love that song.
”The Movie”
I’ve heard the matrix-within-the-matrix theory many times, but I have to say, I’m not sure I buy it.
And how cool were those flying scenes? Me and My Crazed Roommate were laughing every time Ted took flight, and I didn’t understand why until we were talking about it afterward. We were laughing out of pure joy.
”The Decision”
Joey picking Pacey might work out for all the ladies who’ve been projecting themselves into Miss Potter’s role as Queen of All that is Fickle and Flaky, but what about us poor stupid schlubs who identified with Dawson all these years? I’m so freaking happy that all you girls get to celebrate letting go and moving on and can finally reconcile yourselves with the fact that you didn’t meet the person you're supposed to marry when you were in kindergarten, but I feel like Kevin Williamson himself took a steaming dump on the last few years of my Wednesday nights. What about Dawson?! Pacey stole his soulmate, and all he’s got to show for it is an incredibly successful career, the chance to meet his personal hero, and limitless possibility now that his romantic destiny is no longer shackled to a manipulative and self-righteous neurotic with two-toned hair and a perpetual confused look on her face…
Wait. Maybe it was a happy ending after all.
NEXT:
Beating a dead horse...
Things will never be the same.
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