I don't know what it means, and there's no one I can confide in... I just can't. There's only one person in the world who'd understand. And I can't reach him.
- Paul Jenkins, "A Death in the Family"

"Spider-Man No More"
I don't know if you remember the Silver Surfer cartoon they used to air on Saturday mornings on Fox, but I bet you don't. They only had one season, and if I remember correctly, the last episode ended with Thanos successfully destroying the entire universe. The last shot was the space time continuum unravelling, and a subtitle that read "The End...?"

Somehow, Fox's childrens programming directors were a-ok with dropping the series, and letting elementary school kids (and at least one high schooler) believe that everything in creation had simply ceased to exist.

I only mention this because last week was the season finale of Spider-Man. It ended with a guilt-stricken Peter Parker with pants so purple you'd swear he was about to get hit with a gamma bomb throwing his costume into the East River and walking away. And if I don't get another season, I swear to God, I'll get my revenge on MTV if it's the last thing I ever do.

...

You know, it just occurred to me. All of these longwinded diatribes of mine could probably all be cut down and clarified into five simple words...

I really need a girlfriend.