All of the beautiful colors are very very meaningful...
- Adam Duritz, "Mr. Jones"

"Red, White, and Blue"
Cookie Rhodes Maynard called me up yesterday morning while I was fighting Napoleon and his Nazi hordes on the Playstation 2. Apparantly, she just wanted to tell me that she was driving through Indianapolis and that there's a White Castle at every exit. So I ask her the obvious question: How much are you going to bring back for me?

You know what she says in response? "I like you, Clark, but I don't like you enough to have that smell in my car for the rest of this trip."

Who calls a guy on his easy, breezy Sunday morning just to tell him how much they don't like him? Sheesh. It's enough to make this little black duck blue.

"The Green-Eyed Monster"
It struck me last week that I've kind of lost my way and mind. I feel so starry-eyed, fickle, and uncertain these days.

And that's when I realized what's happened to me.

"Red Light, Green Light"
All the starting and stopping. Mixed signals. Traffic violations that send you all the way back to start over again. Frustration. Gridlock. Getting cut off. Trying to figure out which way to turn. Sometimes I'm the changing light. Sometimes I'm the ill-fated motorist waiting for the light to change.

I tell you, everything I learned about women, I learned from red-light, green-light.

"Paint Myself in Blue and Red and Black and Grey"
I was on the Spider-Man Movie Site yesterday, and they have this quiz to determine if you are the Ultimate Fan of Spider-Man. They time it. It's not just a matter of answering the questions correctly. You've got to do it quickly, too.

I didn't study for the SATs, but I find myself scratching my head, trying to figure out how I can possibly bone-up before I take this thing...

"Black and White"
Does anyone really expect to date outside of their race? I'm just wondering, because I've dated a lot of white girls, and I doubt I've got the skin-color of their dream guy, so I'm curious as to how my race may have impacted their decision to date me.

Well, I should clarify: I haven't really dated a lot of white girls. I've just dated more white girls than black ones. Actually, I haven't dated any black girls, but in truth, I really haven't dated that much at all. Really just two or three girls... And really, I probably shouldn't count the eerily beautiful one who didn't talk to me. I guess I kind of had a vague relationship with this one girl, but there was no dating involved. In fact, she kind of patently refused to date me. I know that sounds like I was just deluding myself into believing that she cared about me more than she truly did, but really, it was just a complex and complicated situation that... Aw, forget it!

Okay. Two girls. That's what I'm going with. Two white girls I've dated. Of course, it never really went that well with the first one. I mean, considering the fact that we only went to the movies a couple of times, and she never let me pay, it was a lot like catching a romantic comedy with a friend -- something I've done with Justin a number of times. And she told me there wasn't much chemistry...

All right. One white girl I went on a good date with. Sure, things kind of cooled down before they could get started, and I ended up getting struck in that one place where all lapsed Catholic's languish, thereby affirming the mother of all my insecurites: the fear that deep down, I'm just not a good enough person...

Uh, anyhoozle... I got a little sidetracked from my point about... interracial relationships... or maybe interracial burgeoning relationships...? interracial flirtations, perhaps...? those strange occasions when silly caucasian girls think they like me, but soon afterwards realize otherwise...? mayhaps more accurately described as my pathetic fixations upon unfortunate Euro-American females who want nothing to do with me, but I'm too dense to get it in time...?

What, uh... what's up with the...? Why do they...? How...?

...

You know what? I don't really feel like blogging about this right now. Maybe I'll try it again later...

NEXT:
Ultimate Spider-Fan