Tell me your tale, Boy Blue.
- Bill Willingham, "The Last Castle"

"The Chump Stays in the Picture"
So, I've started reading this comic book that started coming out a few years called Fables, right? The premise is that all of the characters from fairy tales, like The Big Bad Wolf and Snow White and Bluebeard are all living in New York City and getting mired in the same petty cycle of violence and stupidity you'd expect. It's a fairly well reviewed series, and it's not bad, but I do have a problem with it: I came up with this idea, like four years ago.

This is not the first time this has happened either. Mark Millar's The Chosen is basically my formerly titled "Jesus Shaves" (now "Mr. Universe") with Millar's odd proclivities toward hyper-violence, and improbable sexual encounters tossed in. (Actually, that's not fair. The series has been pretty tame thus far.) Prewitt's always refused to acknowledge the similar thematic elements between my first proposal for Common Man and Brian Michael Bendis's Alias, but now that Alias has morphed into The Pulse I don't see how he can continue to deny it. (Check the comments for how... I'm sure it's coming.)

Now, I'm not claiming that my ideas are being stolen, because that's ridiculous. All I'm saying is, I think I just might be four years ahead of the game when it comes to new series, and if Marvel starts publishing a comic in four years about the wacky misadventures of a college freshman attending Empire State University (Peter Parker's alma mater), it'd sure as hell better have my name on it, or I'm going to be pissed as hell.

"Chumpawampa"
There was a flashback scene in today's premier issue of She-Hulk in which someone's blasting "Tub-Thumping" in a college dorm.

Just wanted to pause and acknowledge that really. Go about your business.

"The Chump Comes Around"
It's that brief glimpse of Cash sobbing amidst the clips of crucixion and listless wandering that really gets me. The look on his wife's face shortly before that certainly doesn't help.

It's probably a little late to be mentioning this now, but I will never be able to say "In your face, Space Coyote," with the same vim and vigor ever again.

"Over the Chump"
I'll never be like JFK. Hell, I'll never be like George W. Bush.

These are guys who, without any clear mandate to take charge of the biggest, ugliest step-sister on the geo-political block, said to the world "You know what?
I am the president, and I want to start some shit, and there ain't a damn thing anyone can do to stop me!"

I am not a take-charge type of guy. I never will be. In case I haven't made it painfully obvious, I'm a chump. On the few occasions when I do cajole myself into action, it's always done with a lot of hand-wringing and trepidation. And guilt. I feel lots and lots of guilt.

Because at the end of the day, I have this terrible fear that I'm just not wanted. That at the drop of a hat or turn of a page you can find yourself over the chump. It's something I'm always ready for, 'cause if it's so, well let me know; if it's no, I can go.

I won't make you.

"Forrest Chump"
My fig kid Adam started doing a recitation of that scene at Jenny's grave and I just about started bawling.

Maybe it's both, indeed...

"The Winner and Still Chump..."
Seriously. I just can't do any of this on my own. I'm truly at a loss here.

NEXT:
"White Noise"
'cause this little black duck never writes on post-its anymore...