"There's -- I've been with you during some truly amazing adventures. You and me. I've seen you do some amazing things... with your magics... And I, again, I mean no disrespect by asking you something like this. But I know that a lot of the things in this room have -- I don't know what the proper term is... But in all of these magics of yours... is there -- is there anything you can do... a spell, a-a potion... is there anything you can do to take things back?"
"Take things back?"
"To make things go back... to how they were."
"No."
"..."
"..."
"Guess this is it then. This is my life."
- Brian Michael Bendis, "The Universe"

"Inlitterati Lumen Fidei"
I was working a Sunday afternoon shift down at The Ocho -- and there's nothing worse that a Sunday afternoon shift down at The Ocho, when all the angry-as-fuck soccer moms go to the movies with the possible acception of the Friday night shift when all the chatty middle school shitheads worm their way out of the woodwork -- when the dickhead movie trivia fuckwit I hate working with the most asked me what I was going to be for Halloween. And that's when I realized that if I was still working at Forum 8 at the end of October, I was probably going to come into work with a sackful of hand grenades...

Or maybe it was when I was at the bank three days earlier and I ran into one of my favorite English professors and had to tell him what I'd been up to (because I've lost the ability to spin a good tale... I can't lie anymore...)

Remember last year when I used to talk about skipping town and going to Pella, Iowa, or walking the earth and getting into adventures like Jules from Pulp Fiction? What happened?

Here's the thing: I don't dodge guilt and I don't believe in running away from my problems. Sure, I've been known to read a comic and pretend not to see the elephant in the room, but I'm not the guy who just leaves the room, and that's my whole point.

I'm really tired of living here. I have been for quite some time. I'm tired of seeing selfishness disguised as self-actualization. I'm tired of seeing movies and music being built up as anything more than a diversion from what really matters in life. I'm tired of spending time with annoying fucks, and I'm tired of what passes for love in this town. But the thought of leaving just to get away from all this like some coward chafes my hide like fashion briefs on a rainy day run.

And the only reason I think I'm finally ready to leave is that I've come to understand that I'm probably going to run into all this shit no matter where I go. And no one's ever gonna take my life from me. I lay it down; a ghost is born.

"Alma Mater II: The Search for Curly's Gold"
I find out this weekend that due to what they referred to as my "refusal to make payments" the University turned my outstanding tuition fees over to some people whom I'm fairly certain were going to break my legs. Because I make just barely over minimum wage, and even though I still haven't read Nickel & Dimed, I believe the last few months have given me the gist of it.

So I spent most of the week sweating it, planning daring gas station robberies and NBA contracts -- 'cause how else is a brotha s'poseda come inna some green? -- when my mom called with news that she'd opened one of the letters the university has been sending to my house in Kansas City, and she knew what was going on, and she bailed me out.

Now, I don't like asking my mom for money. I haven't since I graduated high school, because I've always been under the impression that once you turn 18, you're on your own, and to be honest, this entire bit of business really bummed me out.

Then I talked to my Crazed Former On-Again Off-Again Roommate.

Him: So let me get this straight: You're twenty-two, you graduated six months ago, you don't have a job, and you've already paid off college.
Me: Yeah.
Him: I hate you.

Thank you, Mommy.

"Perde Meam Diem"
I find it strangely sad that no matter what happens to you, there's probably some pithy pop song out there that expresses that feeling almost exactly.

At the same time, however, I find this oddly comforting as well.

Because, like the Mamet said, "What one man can do, another can do."

What one person can endure, so can you...

I don't wait by the phone like I used to
I don't hope for kind words you might say
You don't prey on my mind like you used to
But you can still ruin my day...
- Jon Brion, "Ruin My Day"

NEXT:
"Why Clark Can't This Time"