when desperate static beats the silence up
a quiet truth to calm you down
the songs you wrote
got me through a lot
just wanna tell you that
but it's too late

- Ben Folds, "Late"

"Folded in a Most Peculiar Way"
I've had the new Ben Folds album playing in my walkman for almost as long as I've been working in the city. It's become the Village's unofficial soundtrack to my mind.

When I walk through Washington Square Park -- which is a lot like Speaker's Circle if Speaker's Circle didn't kind of suck -- "Jesusland" just seems to make the whole thing gel. When I see a bespeckled brunette walking a horny welsh corgi down Bleecker, "Time" is there to reassure me that there will come a day when this doesn't make me look twice. This of course, happens right after "Sentimental Guy" instills in me a subtle sense of guilt for adjusting to the idea that in a couple of years, I might not miss you folks out there in the world.

It occurs to me that I'm no longer really floating in any way -- peculiar or otherwise.

I am Lenar Clark, Daredevil English Grad in exile, and for good or ill, I've landed.

"Funny Things I've Seen in Animated Programming"
*Robot Chicken's trailer for "The Diary of Anne Frank" starring Hilary Duff. It's thirty seconds of Hilary/Anne saying "Dear Diary: Hey, I'm just me," and Home Alone style antics to keep the Nazi's out of the attic. Terribly inappropriate = hysterically funny. Who knew?

*Homer Simpson is the only man in Springfield to be taken up by the Rapture. When he looks down to see his beloved family tortured by Satan and his minions, he asks God to set everything back the way it is. God's response: "You think I don't understand family drama? I sent My Son down to Earth a few years ago. I don't know what you people did to him, but he hasn't been the same since he came back." Camera pans over to a forlorn Nazarene sitting on a swing that's been twisted with a hang-dog look of sorrow on his face I still giggle about from time to time.

*Return of the Chicken Who Gave Peter a Bad Coupon on the most recent all-new Family Guy. I wasn't paying attention to the set-up, but the fight was somehow more spectacular than the one in "Da Boom." (A statement I'm sure to take some crap for.)

"Death to Tuttle"
I've asked a few of you this already, but I figured I'd throw it out there as I've become more and more candid in my time of exile:

On the most recent rerun of Six Feet Under a young man named Lawrence Tuttle was crushed to death under the weight of his own comic book collection.

Now, I no longer believe in signs or any other semblence of order in this deranged whirring blender of a universe, but if I did, what am I to take from this?

(God. I've never felt such pure joy and mischief from an entry title alone in all my born days.)

"Solemates and Other Bad Puns and Metaphors"
There's something wrong with the women in New York City. They seem to have stepped out of magazine ads. Now, I'm not saying there aren't girls back home that seem to have stepped out of magazine ads, but they rarely step out of perfume ads. They tend to have that beauty that comes out of ads for tampons. You know, so cute and adorable you just don't understand why we can't give them a maxi-pad that will stay in place.

Anyhoozle, when I'm playing my role as lonely young twenty-something who hasn't been on a date in over a year and "checking out chicks" in the city, I find, to my shock, that my eyes go a little further down the body than I'm used to and resting on their shoes.

Somehow, I know that if the girl for me is out there, she's not wearing heels. She's wearing comfortable shoes, because she's not about appearances. Not if a simple guy me like me's going to stand a chance.

And it occurs to me that I started feeling this way when I saw a couple coming off the subway and I noticed they were both wearing black converse all-stars. There was something about their matching footware that I found so quietly touching.

"The Life Aquatic without Thaddeus Venture"
Son of a bitch, I am sick of these dolphins...

I bought the special two-disc collector's edition of The Life Aquatic, and while I was pleased with Seu Jorge's filmed performances of David Bowie fans, I was mystified by the decision not to include that Venture Bros. episode, "Ghosts of the Sargasso" in its entirety. Does Wes Anderson not read this blog? Has the Disney / Time-Warner rivalry reached such loggerheads that this injustice could be perpetrated against the DVD buying public? Am I the only one senselessly enraged by this, or have the rest of you lost your wits as well?

Nonetheless, the might and majesty of the jaguar shark is a sight that still takes my breath away and Sigur Ros' "Staralfur" is the soundtrack of the loveliest of my dreams...

When I was eleven and a half, I was in love with a girl named Katrina Shaw and I cried like a baby in science class when I heard she'd started "dating" someone else. I'd never read a comic book and I could have been anything I wanted to be in the world...

And goddamn it, he's right: This is an adventure.

Forgive me. I've been reading Salinger again.

Comments

Popular Posts