...and it doesn't seem fair that your wicked words should work in holding me down no it doesn't seem right to take information; given at close range; for the gag, and the bind, and ammunition round conversation, once colored by esteem became dialogue as a diagram of a play for blood -- took a vacation; my palate got clean now i can taste your agenda while you're spitting your cud and it doesn't seem fair...
- Fiona Apple, "Not About Love"

"Things Get Damaged"
Hello and welcome to Lenar Clark's 58th Nervous Breakdown.

I have sifted through the very stuff of the DC universe. I have seen the face of God and she spat right in my mouth.

Gross. Yuckies.

Superman was never Superboy -- but he used to be.

It seems so simple at a glance, but when you look deeper, you get told that Superboy met Lois Lane for the first time at a weeklong internship at the Daily Planet. And then you get told that Superboy met Lois Lane for the first time at summer camp where she and Lana Lang teamed-up to try to prove that Superboy and Clark Kent were one and the same. And then you get told that Superboy first met Lois Lane in all these different ways in the same crisis-free universe in the 30's and 50's and the space time continuum folds in on itself.

Smallville wasn't in Kansas until Superboy was wiped out of existence. But he's still there!

Superman almost married a goddamn mermaid! A bird can marry a fish, but where would they live?

The Time Warner conspiracy deepens. Lois Lane was based on a model that Siegel and Shuster hired -- and whom Siegel eventually married -- named Joanne Carter.

Continuity doesn't matter. It's never mattered. It's all just a lie. My life is a lie! There is no past, we have no future, and with no concept of either, I have to ask you... what is reality?!

"Things Get Broken"
In a future time, children will work together to build a giant cyborg. It will of course, be a colossal disaster. You know how kids are. They're fucking useless. They won't have the technical skills or attention span to make it work. But one of these lazy wreckless bastards will go to a computer console to look up the instructions, and unleash Wikipedia, the most insidious and evil database of all time!

This'll be well into the 27th Century, long after Wikipedia -- in it's pre-programmed quest to absorb all knowledge of the universe -- has assumed Google and the ancient Internet Movie Database and that fucking IATS printer at the McDavid front desk into it's long running and complex double helix strands of html codes.

Wikipedia will quickly assimilate the child-initiated giant cyborg -- and the children themselves -- into it's technological arsenal, building itself a physical construct of advanced technology and orphans. It'll tear across the Socialist State of New America (translated from Chinese), spouting random film trivia fueled by the desecrated souls of forsaken children, printing out the rushed, last-minute term papers these poor urchins will never get to write in life.

Our greatest scientists and necromancers will have no defense against its dually vested evil.

Oh hell no.

I suspect the wicked but extraordinary machine will be susceptible only to one woman, armed with a bowie knife named Ziggy Stardust passed down through the ages along her family-line. Only she can save the world from it's greatest threat since the reality tv wars scorched the lands and dried up the seas, long after they came into being with the creation song of Darius Rucker.

Save us Kara Duk-El Clark. Save us from our weary selves...