It will be legend--wait for it... and I hope you're not lactose intolerant because the second half of that word is--dary!
Phil Lord & Chris Miller, "The Sweet Taste of Liberty"


"I Am Legend"
Like many of the terrible things that crop up in day-to-day life, you can blame it all on Prewitt.

For my last birthday, in another display of his phenomenal gift-giving prowess, Caleb gave me a really cool Martian Manhunter figure. So I put him next to my Brodie Bruce inaction figure on my little bar-turned-bookcase in the spider-hole, and figured that would be the end of that... Except... Except he looked lonely. You know how Brodie Bruce is. If he's not mocking you and sipping from his dixie cup, he's working on making reparations for that list of all the bad things he's done in his life. Plus, I picked up a Randal Graves from my one awesome trip to Red Bank, and inaction figures tend to hang out together and gang-up on the articulated.

So I did what anyone would do. I hit ebay and picked up a Marvel Legends Ever-loving Blue-Eyed Thing for the Martian Manhunter to hang out with. But then I couldn't help but note that something was off about the scale differences between those two lines. J'onn J'onzz shouldn't tower over Ben Grimm... should he? And by the time I moved all of them to my cubicle to spruce up That Dour Box That's Walled Up My Dreams, the height difference was making the Thing self-conscious. So of course, I had to pick-up a Black Panther figure, and that led to a Composite Superman. And how could I have all of those figures and not a Spider-Man or a Deadpool? And if you've got The Panther, Deadpool, and Spider-Man, you just need Wolverine and the Prowler to complete a Teen Titans set. (But they don't make a Prowler, do they? Unless you spend 50 bucks on a custom from eBay, and that'd be crazy, right?!)

And when you've got the Teen Titans, you've got to get the Incredible Christ. But the Hulk's taller than the Thing again, which reminds you that you've got that way-out-of-scale Martian Manhunter feeling like a giant, so you pick up more Ed McGuinness style DC figures like Batman Beyond and John Stewart -- because weren't you going to pitch a DC buddy book called John and J'onn at some point? -- and you're shocked to find that Martian Manhunter still seems like a giant, because he towers over those guys, too, including the bat-ears.

And you're so despondent over that you distract yourself with the idea that it'd be cool if you had one inaction figure from every Kevin Smith movie. So why not pick up that Marshall Willenholly doll you saw at Forbidden Planet?

And then one day you come into That Dour Box That's Walled Up Your Dreams and find that the Martian Manhunters fallen over. And you realize this was no accident. This was foul play. J'onn J'onzz was murdered. SO you launch an investigation and find out the murderer was none other than that wonky Spider-Man doll a co-worker gave you for Christmas, and pack him off in a drawer with those stuffed animals you hid away.

...



And that, in a nutshell, is how I've ended up with a 15-piece strong doll collection. I'm not terribly proud of it... But I'd be lying if I didn't admit that looking over and seeing the Teen Titans decked out in a row is always a bit of a trip. But considering how much I spent on Deadpool and Prowler, it's really time to pull back a bit. I just have to get a Hooper X and some random Dogma character, and then I'm out. Oh, and that Ron Weasley NECA's putting out for Order of the Phoenix in July. And probably that Supergirl that's coming out in February. (And maybe a Captain Marvel or first appearance Iron Man.)

Have I mentioned I've become a Doctor Who fan, too? I become more geek than man with every passing second.

NEXT:

The much anticipated Spider-Man 3 post...