This isn't how things were supposed to end. The most exciting thing I do every day shouldn't be writing in my bloody diary. Who cares? Who cares about anything anymore?
- Mark Millar, "Rough Trade"
"Idiot Boxing"
Amelie is on Love Stories West Coast right now. That's channel 283 for those of you who, like me, have way more channels than they actually watch (and, you know, also have my cable provider). Chelsey only knows how to flip to two channels by remote: Nickelodeon (Channel 49) and Cartoon Network (Channel 58). I'm sorry, but I just don't get Spongebob Squarepants, and I'm always sure to pick her up from daycare after it's over. Rocket Power is also pretty lame. I'm disappointed. Nickelodeon used to be a haven for me. Doug was my best friend. The Adventures of Pete and Pete rocked my fucking socks off. I watched Salute Your Shorts religiously, but honestly, I don't miss it that much. Now Nickelodeon's got crap. That Dora the Explorer got Chelsey in trouble for screaming at the TV. Rugrats was once watchable, but they totally sold out, man.
I'm delighted by Cartoon Network, though. I've discussed my love for Samurai Jack before. (Did you see Saturday's episode? That whole black and white, Samurai vs. Ninja scene was quite aesthetically pleasing to the old eyes, eh? But you know what really gets me to keep watching it? My deep dark secret? Phil LaMarr does Jack's voice, and I feel this need to keep an eye out for my brotha. Ever since he got his head blown of in Pulp Fiction, I've been worried about him.) Dexter's Laboratory isn't so bad. My favorite character is Mandark's dad. I love laughing at hippies. And I've been digging Powerpuff Girls since the days of coming home from hours of floor waxing with T (oddly, not a euphamism for anything... though it seems like it would be, don't it?). Buttercup's my favorite. I used to call her B-Cup as an affectionate nickname 'til Hank pointed out the inherent ick factor in doing so. God bless Hank. And God bless Adult Swim. I'm sorry, but the new title card thing floats my boat. And Family Guy fills my heart with plaque. (Take from that what you will.)
I've also started watching a lot of Women's Entertainment (Channel 74 for those of you keeping track at home). It started off with me just watching Two Guys, a Girl and a Pizza Place, but yesterday, I taped Felicity on a whim, and I did it again today. So, my manhood, once merely in question due to my love/hate for Dawson's Creek and general eschewing of sports is no longer a consideration. As a Japanese tourist with a male-power penchant for the obscene might say, my once mighty chimpo has imploded into the delicate and mysterious folds of a virgin chitsu... and you know how vaguely put off I am by vaginas. Or at least you do now.
I like WE more than Lifetime (Channel 51). I never really understood Lifetime. As Jim Gaffigan pointed out, it's television for women, and yet, everytime I turn it on, a woman's either getting beaten up, or chaffing under the chains of a male-dominated system. BORING! I prefer WE because it just airs some nice girly shows and chick flicks, rather than laboring under the delusion that its programming can somehow advance feminazi dogma. (Man, did I just lose all my female friends with that sentence or what? Sheesh... I didn't even get a chance to make any of my priceless PMS jokes.)
Oh yeah. And I've been watching Ally McBeal on FX (Channel 62). They were Larry episodes. You can hardly blame me for that.
And I wanted to cry when I watched Gilmour Girls on the WB (Channel 10) today, but I'm dead inside, so I couldn't.
"You Wouldn't Like Me When I'm Angry..."
There's this girl who used to mean a lot to me who seems to be trying to come back into my life, but I honestly don't think I can let her, because I'm sorry, but Kate Hudson simply can't be forgiven for what she's done. Did you see How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days? (Again, chimpo to chitsu.) Well there's a scene I'm sure none of us will ever forget, in which Andie is redecorating Ben's bathroom, and she throws an old copy of Incredible Hulk on the bathroom floor!
I don't care how strokable your eyebrows might be, Ms. Hudson. There are some things that simply shouldn't be done by decent human beings, and which can't be forgiven. So no, I will not be seeing Alex & Emma this Friday. Ironically -- or perhaps, in an all too apropos fit of celestial cosmic justice -- I'm off to see Hulk, 'cause the madder Hulk gets, the stronger Hulk gets, and Hulk is angry, bitch.
On a quick side note, which Wilson brother do you like more? Owen or Luke? If you asked me three years ago, I would have said Luke, but these days, I prefer Owen. I think it might be a sign of maturity.
"Quinze"
As I said from the start, Amelie is on Love Stories West Coast right now. Despite four years of French, this is not something I can listen to while I type. I need my subtitles.
Amelie is on Love Stories West Coast, the Pixie's don't know where my mind is, and there's a big fat hole where my heart used to be.
Not funny "Haha," but funny "We're Flawed, Baby."
- Mark Millar, "Rough Trade"
"Idiot Boxing"
Amelie is on Love Stories West Coast right now. That's channel 283 for those of you who, like me, have way more channels than they actually watch (and, you know, also have my cable provider). Chelsey only knows how to flip to two channels by remote: Nickelodeon (Channel 49) and Cartoon Network (Channel 58). I'm sorry, but I just don't get Spongebob Squarepants, and I'm always sure to pick her up from daycare after it's over. Rocket Power is also pretty lame. I'm disappointed. Nickelodeon used to be a haven for me. Doug was my best friend. The Adventures of Pete and Pete rocked my fucking socks off. I watched Salute Your Shorts religiously, but honestly, I don't miss it that much. Now Nickelodeon's got crap. That Dora the Explorer got Chelsey in trouble for screaming at the TV. Rugrats was once watchable, but they totally sold out, man.
I'm delighted by Cartoon Network, though. I've discussed my love for Samurai Jack before. (Did you see Saturday's episode? That whole black and white, Samurai vs. Ninja scene was quite aesthetically pleasing to the old eyes, eh? But you know what really gets me to keep watching it? My deep dark secret? Phil LaMarr does Jack's voice, and I feel this need to keep an eye out for my brotha. Ever since he got his head blown of in Pulp Fiction, I've been worried about him.) Dexter's Laboratory isn't so bad. My favorite character is Mandark's dad. I love laughing at hippies. And I've been digging Powerpuff Girls since the days of coming home from hours of floor waxing with T (oddly, not a euphamism for anything... though it seems like it would be, don't it?). Buttercup's my favorite. I used to call her B-Cup as an affectionate nickname 'til Hank pointed out the inherent ick factor in doing so. God bless Hank. And God bless Adult Swim. I'm sorry, but the new title card thing floats my boat. And Family Guy fills my heart with plaque. (Take from that what you will.)
I've also started watching a lot of Women's Entertainment (Channel 74 for those of you keeping track at home). It started off with me just watching Two Guys, a Girl and a Pizza Place, but yesterday, I taped Felicity on a whim, and I did it again today. So, my manhood, once merely in question due to my love/hate for Dawson's Creek and general eschewing of sports is no longer a consideration. As a Japanese tourist with a male-power penchant for the obscene might say, my once mighty chimpo has imploded into the delicate and mysterious folds of a virgin chitsu... and you know how vaguely put off I am by vaginas. Or at least you do now.
I like WE more than Lifetime (Channel 51). I never really understood Lifetime. As Jim Gaffigan pointed out, it's television for women, and yet, everytime I turn it on, a woman's either getting beaten up, or chaffing under the chains of a male-dominated system. BORING! I prefer WE because it just airs some nice girly shows and chick flicks, rather than laboring under the delusion that its programming can somehow advance feminazi dogma. (Man, did I just lose all my female friends with that sentence or what? Sheesh... I didn't even get a chance to make any of my priceless PMS jokes.)
Oh yeah. And I've been watching Ally McBeal on FX (Channel 62). They were Larry episodes. You can hardly blame me for that.
And I wanted to cry when I watched Gilmour Girls on the WB (Channel 10) today, but I'm dead inside, so I couldn't.
"You Wouldn't Like Me When I'm Angry..."
There's this girl who used to mean a lot to me who seems to be trying to come back into my life, but I honestly don't think I can let her, because I'm sorry, but Kate Hudson simply can't be forgiven for what she's done. Did you see How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days? (Again, chimpo to chitsu.) Well there's a scene I'm sure none of us will ever forget, in which Andie is redecorating Ben's bathroom, and she throws an old copy of Incredible Hulk on the bathroom floor!
I don't care how strokable your eyebrows might be, Ms. Hudson. There are some things that simply shouldn't be done by decent human beings, and which can't be forgiven. So no, I will not be seeing Alex & Emma this Friday. Ironically -- or perhaps, in an all too apropos fit of celestial cosmic justice -- I'm off to see Hulk, 'cause the madder Hulk gets, the stronger Hulk gets, and Hulk is angry, bitch.
On a quick side note, which Wilson brother do you like more? Owen or Luke? If you asked me three years ago, I would have said Luke, but these days, I prefer Owen. I think it might be a sign of maturity.
"Quinze"
As I said from the start, Amelie is on Love Stories West Coast right now. Despite four years of French, this is not something I can listen to while I type. I need my subtitles.
Amelie is on Love Stories West Coast, the Pixie's don't know where my mind is, and there's a big fat hole where my heart used to be.
Not funny "Haha," but funny "We're Flawed, Baby."
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