I once was nothing but a failure now I know just who I am...
- Spider-Man: Rock Reflections of a Super-Hero

"Is He Strong? Listen Bud..."
The Green Goblin has been defeated, and even though he escaped capture, I'm sure he now knows better than to fuck with your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man. So I'll probably never see him again.

(Stop laughing at me, Fury.)

I had a run-in with Kraven the Hunter. What a joke. I swear to god, I don't know why he even bothers. If I were him, I'd curl up with that rifle in my mouth and pray for a wonderful dream, if you know what I mean.

I haven't been this engrossed by a video game since freshman year, when I was the Hero of Time.

"Can He Swing?"
I think I'm going to buy a book written for young girls. It's called Mary Jane by Judith O'Brien, and I actually feel a little bit of shame about this one.

I'm a twenty-one-year-old man who don't know jack about sports, ain't that handy, loves romantic comedies with Meg Ryan, tapes Felicity, and still watches Dawson's Creek... and now I want to read girly books?

Seriously. Why do I even have a penis?