How about them transparent dangling carrots?
- Alanis Morisette, "Thank U" (Take that Woodward!)
"Thank You, India"
I'm not sure, but I think I hate Thanksgiving.
Don't get me wrong, I love the fact that for some reason, Mizzou thinks this is a holiday worthy of a week long break, but when it actually gets down to Turkey Day, I just want to throw my hands up in disgust. I have no deep-seeded political reasons for this. It's not like I'm thinking to myself "Oh great, another holiday in which a gluttonous nation of greed stuffs itself all the more!" or even "Damn! Why them white folks gotta celebrate stealin' them Indians' land every single year?"
To be honest, I think it's just the fact that I have no idea what to do with this holiday other than appreciate the fact that this is the one time of year I ever seem to want the dark meat instead of white. Thanksgiving is just like Columbus Day, only at some point in the middle of the day, my mom's going to get frustrated with mashed potatoes and I'm going to feel bad.
I'll never forget the year we taped us eating because it was our first Thanksgiving with a camcorder, and after dinner, we actually watched the whole thing, and Mom remarked that she sure seemed to talk with her hands a lot, and I said that the word for that was gesticulating.
I don't think I'd like the Fourth of July either if not for the fact that it's my birthday. I only say this because one year we watched Independence Day while we were eating, which was great because it cut down on the awkward dinner conversation, but bad because I realized on that day just how much I hate that fucking movie.
So anyhoozle, it's Thanksgiving and I'm feeling kind of reflective, so I thought I'd post a list of the things I'm thankful for this year. I know. It's cheesy to the extreme, but I think it's high time we all stopped pretending that I'm not a little black cornball. And so, My Top 37 Things I'm Grateful For in no particular order (for those of you trying to psychologically analyze me at home) are...
1) Chocolate milk.
2) My mother, whose belief in my pie-in-the-sky post-graduate dreams I find both inspiring and unsettling.
3) Kate Freakin' Jeffries, who's just my friend, but that really means quite a bit, doesn't it?
4) Cartoon Network.
5) That bacon cheeseburger at Denny's during the Pearl Jam concert we left because it was raining real bad and we're wusses.
6) Will, for no other reason than I'm glad I'm not the only one who has fits of giggles anytime they say the words "Godspeed, Spider-Man."
7) Jacobs, the calm center of the McDavid microverse.
8) A rather pleasant meal at Bangkok Gardens.
9) My dear friend Seamus of the infamous "Seamus and Wilbur".
10) A place to play Smash Bros. or read Three Fingers whenever I stop pretending that I've got better stuff to do, and the borderline sociopath who maintains this environment.
11) A roommate who can give a good pillow beating as well as he takes one, didn't flip out that week when I kept playing the Kill Bill soundtrack over and over again, and always pays for the groceries.
12) The B & N Weekly Bookclub.
13) A one-inch red pin that says "I am loved."
14) The fact that Chelsey still hasn't tumbled to the fact that I'm letting her win the race home from day-care.
15) Georgey-Boy Brooks, whomever he was and whatever he did.
16) The former co-president/founder of the WDMLHTBLTOTESC Club, now in Malibu, battling the Green Goblin and mastering the skills that I will certainly have to call upon at some future date in which I land myself in jail.
17) Parade.
18) All my precious, precious comments.
19) The free booze I scored at that cocktail party.
20) The fuzzy memory of stumbling around Ameristar Casino drunk as a lemur with Danielle Schwartz.
21) Bowling shoes.
22) English writers who write Chinese folktales.
23) My print of a dragon-slayer.
24) Shooting Rachel at Eva J's.
25) That Justin let me make Empire State University on his NCAA Football game.
26) Chicken quesadillas.
27) Passing Sociology 136.
28) What Mark said about my stick-figures.
29) Dylan Sullivan: The Man, The Myth, The Model.
30) That considering my typical behavior, I only got punched once this year.
31) Not getting shot on my 21st birthday... although it might have been nice to take a shot or eight.
32) My many numbered shirts.
33) Bike rides on the MKT trail.
34) "The pretty red screwdriver that fixes things."
35) Surviving that godforsaken Daredevil movie.
36) The constellation Orion.
37) Spectacular Spider-Man, in which Humberto Ramos finally realized that, yes, a spider has eight legs.
Quit jiving me, turkey. Quit jiving me.
(A turkey is a bad person.)
- Alanis Morisette, "Thank U" (Take that Woodward!)
"Thank You, India"
I'm not sure, but I think I hate Thanksgiving.
Don't get me wrong, I love the fact that for some reason, Mizzou thinks this is a holiday worthy of a week long break, but when it actually gets down to Turkey Day, I just want to throw my hands up in disgust. I have no deep-seeded political reasons for this. It's not like I'm thinking to myself "Oh great, another holiday in which a gluttonous nation of greed stuffs itself all the more!" or even "Damn! Why them white folks gotta celebrate stealin' them Indians' land every single year?"
To be honest, I think it's just the fact that I have no idea what to do with this holiday other than appreciate the fact that this is the one time of year I ever seem to want the dark meat instead of white. Thanksgiving is just like Columbus Day, only at some point in the middle of the day, my mom's going to get frustrated with mashed potatoes and I'm going to feel bad.
I'll never forget the year we taped us eating because it was our first Thanksgiving with a camcorder, and after dinner, we actually watched the whole thing, and Mom remarked that she sure seemed to talk with her hands a lot, and I said that the word for that was gesticulating.
I don't think I'd like the Fourth of July either if not for the fact that it's my birthday. I only say this because one year we watched Independence Day while we were eating, which was great because it cut down on the awkward dinner conversation, but bad because I realized on that day just how much I hate that fucking movie.
So anyhoozle, it's Thanksgiving and I'm feeling kind of reflective, so I thought I'd post a list of the things I'm thankful for this year. I know. It's cheesy to the extreme, but I think it's high time we all stopped pretending that I'm not a little black cornball. And so, My Top 37 Things I'm Grateful For in no particular order (for those of you trying to psychologically analyze me at home) are...
1) Chocolate milk.
2) My mother, whose belief in my pie-in-the-sky post-graduate dreams I find both inspiring and unsettling.
3) Kate Freakin' Jeffries, who's just my friend, but that really means quite a bit, doesn't it?
4) Cartoon Network.
5) That bacon cheeseburger at Denny's during the Pearl Jam concert we left because it was raining real bad and we're wusses.
6) Will, for no other reason than I'm glad I'm not the only one who has fits of giggles anytime they say the words "Godspeed, Spider-Man."
7) Jacobs, the calm center of the McDavid microverse.
8) A rather pleasant meal at Bangkok Gardens.
9) My dear friend Seamus of the infamous "Seamus and Wilbur".
10) A place to play Smash Bros. or read Three Fingers whenever I stop pretending that I've got better stuff to do, and the borderline sociopath who maintains this environment.
11) A roommate who can give a good pillow beating as well as he takes one, didn't flip out that week when I kept playing the Kill Bill soundtrack over and over again, and always pays for the groceries.
12) The B & N Weekly Bookclub.
13) A one-inch red pin that says "I am loved."
14) The fact that Chelsey still hasn't tumbled to the fact that I'm letting her win the race home from day-care.
15) Georgey-Boy Brooks, whomever he was and whatever he did.
16) The former co-president/founder of the WDMLHTBLTOTESC Club, now in Malibu, battling the Green Goblin and mastering the skills that I will certainly have to call upon at some future date in which I land myself in jail.
17) Parade.
18) All my precious, precious comments.
19) The free booze I scored at that cocktail party.
20) The fuzzy memory of stumbling around Ameristar Casino drunk as a lemur with Danielle Schwartz.
21) Bowling shoes.
22) English writers who write Chinese folktales.
23) My print of a dragon-slayer.
24) Shooting Rachel at Eva J's.
25) That Justin let me make Empire State University on his NCAA Football game.
26) Chicken quesadillas.
27) Passing Sociology 136.
28) What Mark said about my stick-figures.
29) Dylan Sullivan: The Man, The Myth, The Model.
30) That considering my typical behavior, I only got punched once this year.
31) Not getting shot on my 21st birthday... although it might have been nice to take a shot or eight.
32) My many numbered shirts.
33) Bike rides on the MKT trail.
34) "The pretty red screwdriver that fixes things."
35) Surviving that godforsaken Daredevil movie.
36) The constellation Orion.
37) Spectacular Spider-Man, in which Humberto Ramos finally realized that, yes, a spider has eight legs.
Quit jiving me, turkey. Quit jiving me.
(A turkey is a bad person.)
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