They say blues is nothing but a good man feeling bad. Me… I don’t get the blues. I get the greens.
- Peter David, "The Lone and Level Sands"

"Jolly Green Giant"
During his run on The Incredible Hulk, Peter David had this thing where, whenever the Hulk was suffering a personal crisis -- and it happened pretty frequently during the twelve years David wrote the series -- he would find his way to that desolate tract of New Mexican wasteland where Bruce Banner was caught up in a gamma bomb blast that changed his life forever. I always liked the idea that when he had stuff to figure out, the Hulk was inexplicably drawn to his birthplace.

(Of course, it was later explained that the reason the Hulk kept coming back was because his evil, despotic future-self, The Maestro, had been transported through time to the very moment of the gamma bomb blast in an attempt to kill him -- by none other than The Hulk himself -- and The Maestro's incinerated remains were calling out to Banner's massive alter-ego so he could sap trace amounts of gamma radiation from his past incarnation and restore himself, but -- as David would no doubt approve of me saying -- I digress.)

I was born on a small military installation near Clovis, New Mexico. Unlike the Hulk, I will probably never go back there as long as I live.

But, I have to say, when I don't know what to do, I tend to end up at McDavid Hall... Of course, I also tend to end up at McDavid when I feel like playing Smash Brothers, too. And every Monday night for Writer's Club.

I don't remember if there was a point to any of this.

"Green Means Go"
I really thought I knew where I wanted to go.

"The Green Mile"
I think I've finally figured out why I want to go to prison so bad. It'd be nice to be caged by bricks and bars for once, rather than the indecipherable mysteries of the human heart.

For once, I'd like to find myself jailed by something other than my own behavior. The hardest trap to walk out of is the one you build for yourself without realizing it.

"It's Not Easy Being Green"
It's taken me quite some time to come to a fairly simple realization: You cannot live for other people.

Yes. We live in a society. Yes. Helping others and allowing others to help you is at the center of being human. But at the end of the day, you can't get wrapped up in what other people think about you, or -- God forbid -- what other people think about other people. (I've seen it happen. It's mindboggling.)

Keep in mind, this is coming from a guy who has to poll twenty strangers before deciding whether or not to buy a Diet Coke in a can or a bottle, but the message remains: There are some things you have to do on your own. There are some actions you have to take sole responsibility for, even if you're not sure whether or not it'll work out the way you hope it will... maybe especially if you're not sure whether or not it'll work out the way you hope.

And that's why I remain Kryptic the Dog.

"The Grass is Always Greener"
Is it just me, or have we flipped our lids? Strange, I always thought you had it easy...

I should warn you: I'm not what you're hoping.

"Green"
Green can't have a feeling. Not yet. Not if I want to make it through my day. Until then, it's the color of the good earth and the ground beneath her feet. It's the color of money. It's the Osborn Family legacy. I'm worried it's going to turn yellow, because that's just the type of guy I am. It's cheese going bad. It's spring time. It's ever-changing emerald and it's never what you think...

NEXT:
"I'd Rather Be in Tokyo."