"Can I ask you a question?"
"Uh-oh..."
"All of this crazy you have going on? This declaring yourself kingpin. Marrying Milla. Not being Daredevil anymore. All of this... After Karen died -- Do you think, maybe... Do you think you had a nervous breakdown? Is that what this is?"
(weeps uncontrollably in response)
- Brian Michael Bendis, "The King of Hell's Kitchen"
"Nervous the Breakdown"
I had a really scary moment this morning that concluded the thirty minute internal battle to get out of bed and go to work. (The only real casualty of war? Showering!) Half-an-hour of groggily trying to work out some vague dream dialogue between two imaginary employees of the New York Journal was cut abruptly short when I was propelled out of bed by an intensely disturbing feeling of dread and apprehension. When I looked in the mirror, there was a horrible grimace on my face.
"Great the Regret"
Things I Need to Stop Doing to Myself:
* Sleeping only 3-4 hours every night so I can stay up and watch wings.
* Feeling one thing but saying another.
* Saying one thing but doing another.
* Checking my e-mail every fifteen minutes.
* Reading for pleasure.
* Putting off writing my father.
"Disappointed the Father"
I got an e-mail from my dad asking about graduation. You know, like, when it is and stuff like that. He also wants to know what I plan on doing -- Masters? Doctorate? -- I don't think he's expecting "Mooch off of Granny." Boo.
"Uneaten the Cake"
I was thinking yesterday about having your cake and eating it, too, and how everyone seems so determined to do both, but it never occurs to me that there's any chance in hell I could even nibble at the cake in my hand... Then I was talking to Jeffries about it, and we really couldn't figure out what the hell that phrase means anyway. That and paying through the nose. And there's some question as to being up the creek without a paddle.
"Massive the Tool"
Kate was also worried that since she tends to be rather agreeable with other people, she's worried that they might not think she has much of a personality. I told her that all I do is agree with other people and they all seem to think I have one, and she said that being agreeable kind of is my personality. She's probably right, but that makes me feel like I'm wrong.
"Sad the Clown"
Prewitt made the rather astute observation that my family tends to deal with the world through humor, to which I made what I thought was the rather pithy response, "Yeah. You should see a Clark family funeral. A lot of laughs, but no one feels completely comfortable." The more I think about it, the more I think there could be a novel in that.
"Girly the Book"
I'm reading a book by the author of The Princess Diaries... again. I really should be reading any of a number of novels for my capstone class, but I'm actually setting time aside to read another book by the author of The Princess Diaries. What the hell?
"Angry the Dragon"
Anyone can slay a dragon, he told me, but try waking up every morning & loving the world all over again. That's what takes a real hero... or maybe just a chump!
If I still had it in me, I'd introduce a new Little Black Duck villain called the Karma Chameleon. She'd be this massive, fire-breathing dragon that'd lay waste to Wonderland and set Batman's cape ablaze -- I always loved that "Your cape's on fire" bit... I hated in The Matrix Revolutions when that guy was telling Neo that he was following his karma and he didn't resent his karma. Maybe the Watchowski brothers could have spent five minutes away from the computer graphics team and cracked open Eastern Philosophy for Dummies one more time and figure out that karma ain't quite the same as fate or destiny... The first time I was a freshman, I wrote a little essay about life as a karma torpedo. I was wrong. It was supposed to be a karma tornado, because I'm reaping the whirlwind... I've got bad karma. Just awful. I'm such a jerk.
I'm so tired of pretending I'm fine with everything. I'm freaking out!!!
"Uh-oh..."
"All of this crazy you have going on? This declaring yourself kingpin. Marrying Milla. Not being Daredevil anymore. All of this... After Karen died -- Do you think, maybe... Do you think you had a nervous breakdown? Is that what this is?"
(weeps uncontrollably in response)
- Brian Michael Bendis, "The King of Hell's Kitchen"
"Nervous the Breakdown"
I had a really scary moment this morning that concluded the thirty minute internal battle to get out of bed and go to work. (The only real casualty of war? Showering!) Half-an-hour of groggily trying to work out some vague dream dialogue between two imaginary employees of the New York Journal was cut abruptly short when I was propelled out of bed by an intensely disturbing feeling of dread and apprehension. When I looked in the mirror, there was a horrible grimace on my face.
"Great the Regret"
Things I Need to Stop Doing to Myself:
* Sleeping only 3-4 hours every night so I can stay up and watch wings.
* Feeling one thing but saying another.
* Saying one thing but doing another.
* Checking my e-mail every fifteen minutes.
* Reading for pleasure.
* Putting off writing my father.
"Disappointed the Father"
I got an e-mail from my dad asking about graduation. You know, like, when it is and stuff like that. He also wants to know what I plan on doing -- Masters? Doctorate? -- I don't think he's expecting "Mooch off of Granny." Boo.
"Uneaten the Cake"
I was thinking yesterday about having your cake and eating it, too, and how everyone seems so determined to do both, but it never occurs to me that there's any chance in hell I could even nibble at the cake in my hand... Then I was talking to Jeffries about it, and we really couldn't figure out what the hell that phrase means anyway. That and paying through the nose. And there's some question as to being up the creek without a paddle.
"Massive the Tool"
Kate was also worried that since she tends to be rather agreeable with other people, she's worried that they might not think she has much of a personality. I told her that all I do is agree with other people and they all seem to think I have one, and she said that being agreeable kind of is my personality. She's probably right, but that makes me feel like I'm wrong.
"Sad the Clown"
Prewitt made the rather astute observation that my family tends to deal with the world through humor, to which I made what I thought was the rather pithy response, "Yeah. You should see a Clark family funeral. A lot of laughs, but no one feels completely comfortable." The more I think about it, the more I think there could be a novel in that.
"Girly the Book"
I'm reading a book by the author of The Princess Diaries... again. I really should be reading any of a number of novels for my capstone class, but I'm actually setting time aside to read another book by the author of The Princess Diaries. What the hell?
"Angry the Dragon"
Anyone can slay a dragon, he told me, but try waking up every morning & loving the world all over again. That's what takes a real hero... or maybe just a chump!
If I still had it in me, I'd introduce a new Little Black Duck villain called the Karma Chameleon. She'd be this massive, fire-breathing dragon that'd lay waste to Wonderland and set Batman's cape ablaze -- I always loved that "Your cape's on fire" bit... I hated in The Matrix Revolutions when that guy was telling Neo that he was following his karma and he didn't resent his karma. Maybe the Watchowski brothers could have spent five minutes away from the computer graphics team and cracked open Eastern Philosophy for Dummies one more time and figure out that karma ain't quite the same as fate or destiny... The first time I was a freshman, I wrote a little essay about life as a karma torpedo. I was wrong. It was supposed to be a karma tornado, because I'm reaping the whirlwind... I've got bad karma. Just awful. I'm such a jerk.
I'm so tired of pretending I'm fine with everything. I'm freaking out!!!
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