I think closure's overrated.
- John Stephens, "The Test"
The test is done. It's not 100 questions long. It's not even 75 questions long, but I'm telling you people, I can't work on this thing anymore. It's driving me crazy.
While researching questions, I unearthed a few interesting tidbits:
* I made a joke about Teri Hatcher's career being over in the pilot episode of "Tobey & Clark". Six months later, she won a Golden Globe.
* One of the reasons I listed for not being able to leave Columbia was my fear that Granny might not have a liquor cabinet.
* I've never explained that me and Brent named the Barrio after a line from that Counting Crows song Mr. Jones, so I recused myself from asking that as a question.
So anyway, here's the test. It's 69 questions, ridiculously focused on minute details wrapped up in trick questions. E-mail your answers to littleblackduck@gmail.com. All answer sheets must be received by the end of Smallville on March 16th to be considered for the grand prize -- which again, for the unaware, will be the three disc "Year of the Duck" compilation with original covers drawn by none other than me my own self. (And if, say, you already got the three disc set as a belated birthday present, your prize will be the personally drawn covers you didn't receive, and fourth bonus disc or something, not that I think Jeffries has a chance or nothing...)
But first, the questions!
1) "Floating in a Most Peculiar Way" is the most recent title for this blog. It was not the first, and it won't be the last. Below is the list of previous titles. Put them in the order in which they've been used.
a) "Dear God, Whose Name I Do Not Know..."
b) "I Got Up On a Horse Named Crazy Jimmy"
c) "This is Your Life Now. This is Adult Swim"
d) "Everything's Fine in Spideyville"
e) "Keep the Duck from the Door"
2) Which of the following authors has never provided a quote that's been used as a title for this blog?
a) Joe Kelly
b) Brian Michael Bendis
c) Paul Jenkins
d) John Patrick Shanley
e) David Bowie
3) Which of the following actors has NOT been mentioned as a possible guest star on "Tobey & Clark"?
a) Leonardo DiCaprio
b) Tom Welling
c) Gwneth Paltrow
d) Dakota Fanning
e) Kate Jeffries
4) What is the true identity of the Sensational Sucka-Man?
a) Robbie Robinson
b) Rufus Robinson
c) Reggie Robinson
d) Richard Robinson
e) Ray Robinson
5) True or false: Every blog entry has started with a quote.
6) How many times did Clark see Spider-Man in theatres?
a) 5
b) 6
c) 7
d) 8
e) 9
7) What book was Clark supposed to be reading the night he created Clarky Clarkington III?
a) George Orwell, 1984
b) Chaim Potok, The Chosen
c) John Steinbeck, The Grapes of Wrath
d) David Gusterson, Snow Falling on Cedars
e) Zora Neale Hurston, Their Eyes Were Watching God
8) What is the name of Clark's Smallville spec script?
a) "J'onzz"
b) "Manhunt"
c) "Strange Visitor"
d) "Life on Mars?"
e) what the hell are you talking about?
9) Which of the following Little Black Duck characters was NOT a proposed member of Batman's Avengers?
a) Karl Bloomsday
b) Dildo the Drunken Monkey
c) Erin Turtle
d) Albert Einstein
e) Tin
10) At which comic book company did Clark apply to be an assistant editor?
a) Marvel
b) DC
c) Wizard
d) Top Cow
e) Dark Horse
11) What is Clark's favorite line from Spider-Man?
a) "With great power comes great responsibility."
b) "Godspeed, Spider-Man."
c) "Only your friend, Peter Parker?"
d) "You're the one who's out, Gobby..."
e) "Who am I? I'm Spider-Man."
12) What is Clark's favorite issue of Joe Kelly's run on Action Comics?
a) Action Comics #761: "For a Thousand Years..."
b) Action Comics #764: "Quiet After the Storm"
c) Action Comics #775: "What's So Funny 'Bout Truth, Justice, and the American Way?"
d) Action Comics #784: "The Gift"
e) Action Comics #800: "A Hero's Journey"
13) Which Hollywood starlet would have become Mrs. Clark according to the "Tobey & Clark" prospectus?
a) Kate Hudson
b) Alexis Bledel
c) Katie Holmes
d) Maggie Gyllenhaal
e) Kirsten Dunst
14) Royal Tenenbaums : Arrested Development :: Rushmore : ????
a) The OC
b) Dawson's Creek
c) Two Guys, A Girl, and a Pizza Place
d) Venture Bros.
e) Ed
15) On which night is The Rum Bandit most likely to strike?
a) Monday
b) Tuesday
c) Wednesday
d) Thursday
e) Friday
16) In which Montana town does "The Secret Origin of Clark" take place?
a) Billings
b) Helena
c) Great Falls
d) Missoula
e) Butte
17) "What If the Amazing Spider-Man was Black?" is...
a) The Third Short Story by L. F. Clark
b) The Fourth Short Story by L. F. Clark
c) The Fifth Short Story by L. F. Clark
d) The Sixth Short Story by L. F. Clark
e) The Seventh Short Story by L. F. Clark
18) Which is Clark's favorite Wilson brother?
a) Luke
b) Owen
c) Andrew
d) Sam
e) Wade
19) What is the theme song to "Tobey & Clark"?
a) Ben Folds Five, "Evaporated"
b) William Shatner, "Real"
c) Jet, "Hold On"
d) Wilco, "Theologians"
e) Electric Light Orchestra, "Mr. Blue Sky"
20) What city has Clark always wanted to run away to?
a) Metropolis, Illinois
b) Pella, Iowa
c) Forest Hills, Queens
d) Teaneck, New Jersey
e) Hollywood, California
21) How many times did Clark see Spider-Man 2 in theaters?
a) 5
b) 6
c) 7
d) 8
e) 9
22) Which of the following bloggers did NOT have a link to their blog during the celebrated Post-It Note era?
a) Caleb
b) Mel
c) Jacobs
d) Will
e) J-Dub
23) When is Brick Day?
a) February 25
b) April 13
c) September 1
d) October 14
e) December 26
24) Which episode of Seinfeld truly made Clark a Seinfeld fan?
a) "The Contest"
b) "The Opposite"
c) "The Race"
d) "The Junior Mint"
e) "The Betrayal"
25) When did Clark first come up with the idea of doing a Prowler series for Marvel?
a) while running
b) while shampooing a carpet
c) while watching Training Day
d) when he saw a picture of TV on the Radio
e) what the hell are you talking about?
26) Which song did Duk-El of Krypton want to use in a Smallville-based music video?
a) Radiohead, "Sail to the Moon"
b) Foo Fighters, "Next Year"
c) Ben Folds Five, "Air"
d) Wilco, "Airline to Heaven"
e) what the hell are you talking about?
27) Which of the following items was NOT part of Clark's "pile of junk to bring happiness", but probably should have been?
a) a pair of overalls
b) a bike
c) a bag of double-stuft oreos
d) a new pair of glasses
e) what the hell are you talking about?
28) Put the following books from the Little Black Duck series in chronological order (ignoring the time-trotting nature of Time Quack which should technically place it first and last, alpha & omega).
a) Duck Days of Summer
b) Along Came a Spider
c) The Unhappy Duckling
d) Time Quack
e) For All the Laughter That Lies Ahead
29) Name the restaurant in front of which Stan Lee gets shot in the pilot episode of Tobey & Clark.
a) Golden Lion
b) Golden Tiger
c) Golden Dragon
d) Golden Spider
e) what the hell are you talking about?
30) Clark watches a lot of cartoons. Which one has he never mentioned being a fan of?
a) Recess
b) Fillmore!
c) Teen Titans
d) Spongebob Squarepants
e) Samurai Jack
31) What will Clark never forgive Kate Hudson for?
a) Alex & Emma
b) Almost Famous
c) Gossip
d) How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days
e) Le Divorce
32) True or false: Clark has written an entry based on the title of every episode of Ed.
33) Which of the following comic book icons was NOT set to appear in a Little Black Duck story before Clark quit uni-ball pens cold turkey?
a) The Incredible Hulk
b) Wolverine
c) John Constanine
d) The Thing
e) Doctor Strange
34) In the Little Black Duck universe, the Black Panther is actually...
a) The Little Black Duck from the future
b) A clone of the Little Black Duck
c) The Little Black Duck from an alternate universe
d) A clone of the Little Black Duck from the future
e) A clone of the Little Black Duck from the future of an alternate universe
35) Clark has regaled us with many tales of his odd jobs over the last two years. Where has he NOT worked during the tenure of this blog?
a) Target
b) Worlds of Fun
c) Columbia Public Library
d) Campus Dining Service
e) McDavid Front Desk
36) Which Hollywood starlet takes Clark's "man flower" in the pilot episode of Tobey & Clark?
a) Kate Hudson
b) Alexis Bledel
c) Katie Holmes
d) Maggie Gyllenhaal
e) Kirsten Dunst
37) The longest living Clark family pet was a cat. What was its name?
a) Mookie
b) Oliver
c) Streaky
d) Crazy Legs
e) what the hell are you talking about?
38) Which Marvel Comics character is the focus of "What If the Amazing Spider-Man was Black?"
a) Spider-Man
b) The Prowler
c) Black Panther
d) Luke Cage
e) what the hell are you talking about?
39) What's the longest period of time Clark's gone without updating his blog?
a) an hour
b) a day
c) a week
d) a month
e) a year
40) According to an episode of Dharma and Greg, Clark is currently in his...
a) third incarnation
b) fourth incarnation
c) fifth incarnation
d) sixth incarnation
e) what the hell are you talking about?
41) Clark once had a dream that Robin William was God. Who was the devil?
a) Schwartz
b) Walburn
c) Tuttle
d) Maynard
e) what the hell are you talking about?
42) According to Clark, how many degrees do you need to turn to virtually disappear at a really crowded party?
a) 10
b) 15
c) 20
d) 25
e) 30
43) True or false: Clark prefers Kill Bill Vol. 2 to Vol. 1.
44) According to Frank Kralc, which Lenar Clark character was most likely to get a Wizard Fan Award for Best Supporting Character?
a) Brent Jones
b) Caleb Prewitt
c) Erin Tuttle
d) Kate Jeffries
e) Melissa Maynard
45) True or false: There has been a time in which Clark has posted twice in the same day.
46) According to a drunk and depressed Clark, the one question this blog is constantly asking over and over is...
a) Am I the only person in the world who's generally curious as to what the hell Jaleel White is doing these days?
b) So the fuck what?
c) Will I always be alone?
d) Am I the Ultimate Spider-Fan?
e) what the hell are you talking about?
47) The single best day of Clark's life involved...
a) Having only slept two or three hours
b) Flying a kite
c) Being drunk before five
d) Leaving Columbia
e) what the hell are you talking about?
48) If Clark ever wrote and directed a movie, he'd like the exit music (for the film) to be...
a) Radiohead, "Motion Picture Soundtrack"
b) Billy Bragg & Wilco, "Another Man Done Gone"
c) Ben Folds Five, "Lullabye"
d) Rhett Miller, "Come Around"
e) what the hell are you talking about?
49) What is Clark's favorite month?
a) April
b) December
c) July
d) March
e) October
50) How does Clark want to die?
a) in his sleep
b) in a snow field
c) in the throws of passion
d) in the spring of his 33rd year on a cross
e) what the hell are you talking about?
51) If Clark had done a cartoon for the Maneater, he would have titled it...
a) Pseudologica Fantastica
b) Sticky Situations
c) Ducking Out
d) No Tiptoe Through the Tulips
e) Inaction Comics
52) What is Clark’s favorite constellation?
a) Orion
b) The Big Dipper
c) Cassiopeia
d) Osidius the Emphatic
e) Ursa Major
53) Which of the sacraments is the only one that Clark "gets"?
a) Baptism
b) Confession
c) Communion
d) Confirmation
e) Last Rites
54) Whose name has Clark vowed to work into any and everything he may get published?
a) Melissa Cooper
b) Melissa Ford
c) Melissa Maynard
d) Melissa Stuvall
e) Melissa Yoder
55) When is Joe Kelly Day?
a) February 25
b) April 13
c) September 1
d) October 14
e) December 26
56) What does Clark consider to be the craziest month in which he's most likely to have romantic complications?
a) April
b) December
c) July
d) March
e) October
57) Clark's final college paper -- the last death-defying feat of the Daredevil English Major -- was an analysis of which author's work?
a) Anne Enright
b) Joe Kelly
c) Garth Ennis
d) Michael Chabon
e) Christopher Priest
58) On which day did Clark claim he would leave Columbia?
a) Monday
b) Tuesday
c) Wednesday
d) Thursday
e) Friday
59) True or false: Clark is the ultimate Spider-fan.
60) Which of the following is NOT a character in "Little Brown Boy Blues"?
a) Fred Jones
b) Tamara Easter
c) Eddie Walker
d) Morgan Davis
e) Annie Waits
61) Which Hollywood starlet does Clark meet in a strip club in the pilot episode of "Tobey & Clark"?
a) Kate Hudson
b) Alexis Bledel
c) Katie Holmes
d) Maggie Gyllenhaal
e) Kirsten Dunst
62) Who was NOT set to appear in Steve Urkel: Spider-Man?
a) Lana Lang
b) Rory Gilmore
c) Samuel Powers
d) Joey Potter
e) Penny Lane
63) Who was the first to apothesize the future Mrs. Clark?
a) Schwartz
b) Walburn
c) Tuttle
d) Maynard
e) Jeffries
64) Which super villain gave Clark the most trouble while playing Spider-Man: The Movie on his sister's X-Box?
a) The Green Goblin
b) The Scorpion
c) Kraven the Hunter
d) Doctor Octopus
e) The Shocker
65) Clark is obsessed with the career of Jaleel White. Who does he feel White should do a buddy-picture with to rehabilitate his career?
a) Tobey Maquire
b) Adam Brody
c) James Van Der Beek
d) Morgan Freeman
e) Kate Jeffries
66) In the obligatory scene of "Little Brown Boy Blues," Joe Kelly tells Noah Brown "there are things in your past that you just can't go back to... They were great and wonderful, but they're gone..." Where did Clark get this line from?
a) A Joe Kelly comic.
b) one of his professors
c) quoted it from an episode of Ed
d) he's not a hack; he made it up himself
e) what the hell are you talking about?
67) True or false: Clark may not be lucky with ladies, but he's lucky with cards.
68) Which issue of Joe Kelly's run on Action Comics contributed to Clark's fear of moving to New York?
a) Action Comics #761: "For a Thousand Years..."
b) Action Comics #764: "Quiet After the Storm"
c) Action Comics #775: "What's So Funny 'Bout Truth, Justice, and the American Way?"
d) Action Comics #784: "The Gift"
e) Action Comics #800: "A Hero's Journey"
69) How many times has the word "anyhoozle" been used on the blog (including its use to ask this very question)?
a) 14
b) 15
c) 16
d) 17
e) 18
Sorry, kids. No bonus questions or extra credit...
- John Stephens, "The Test"
The test is done. It's not 100 questions long. It's not even 75 questions long, but I'm telling you people, I can't work on this thing anymore. It's driving me crazy.
While researching questions, I unearthed a few interesting tidbits:
* I made a joke about Teri Hatcher's career being over in the pilot episode of "Tobey & Clark". Six months later, she won a Golden Globe.
* One of the reasons I listed for not being able to leave Columbia was my fear that Granny might not have a liquor cabinet.
* I've never explained that me and Brent named the Barrio after a line from that Counting Crows song Mr. Jones, so I recused myself from asking that as a question.
So anyway, here's the test. It's 69 questions, ridiculously focused on minute details wrapped up in trick questions. E-mail your answers to littleblackduck@gmail.com. All answer sheets must be received by the end of Smallville on March 16th to be considered for the grand prize -- which again, for the unaware, will be the three disc "Year of the Duck" compilation with original covers drawn by none other than me my own self. (And if, say, you already got the three disc set as a belated birthday present, your prize will be the personally drawn covers you didn't receive, and fourth bonus disc or something, not that I think Jeffries has a chance or nothing...)
But first, the questions!
1) "Floating in a Most Peculiar Way" is the most recent title for this blog. It was not the first, and it won't be the last. Below is the list of previous titles. Put them in the order in which they've been used.
a) "Dear God, Whose Name I Do Not Know..."
b) "I Got Up On a Horse Named Crazy Jimmy"
c) "This is Your Life Now. This is Adult Swim"
d) "Everything's Fine in Spideyville"
e) "Keep the Duck from the Door"
2) Which of the following authors has never provided a quote that's been used as a title for this blog?
a) Joe Kelly
b) Brian Michael Bendis
c) Paul Jenkins
d) John Patrick Shanley
e) David Bowie
3) Which of the following actors has NOT been mentioned as a possible guest star on "Tobey & Clark"?
a) Leonardo DiCaprio
b) Tom Welling
c) Gwneth Paltrow
d) Dakota Fanning
e) Kate Jeffries
4) What is the true identity of the Sensational Sucka-Man?
a) Robbie Robinson
b) Rufus Robinson
c) Reggie Robinson
d) Richard Robinson
e) Ray Robinson
5) True or false: Every blog entry has started with a quote.
6) How many times did Clark see Spider-Man in theatres?
a) 5
b) 6
c) 7
d) 8
e) 9
7) What book was Clark supposed to be reading the night he created Clarky Clarkington III?
a) George Orwell, 1984
b) Chaim Potok, The Chosen
c) John Steinbeck, The Grapes of Wrath
d) David Gusterson, Snow Falling on Cedars
e) Zora Neale Hurston, Their Eyes Were Watching God
8) What is the name of Clark's Smallville spec script?
a) "J'onzz"
b) "Manhunt"
c) "Strange Visitor"
d) "Life on Mars?"
e) what the hell are you talking about?
9) Which of the following Little Black Duck characters was NOT a proposed member of Batman's Avengers?
a) Karl Bloomsday
b) Dildo the Drunken Monkey
c) Erin Turtle
d) Albert Einstein
e) Tin
10) At which comic book company did Clark apply to be an assistant editor?
a) Marvel
b) DC
c) Wizard
d) Top Cow
e) Dark Horse
11) What is Clark's favorite line from Spider-Man?
a) "With great power comes great responsibility."
b) "Godspeed, Spider-Man."
c) "Only your friend, Peter Parker?"
d) "You're the one who's out, Gobby..."
e) "Who am I? I'm Spider-Man."
12) What is Clark's favorite issue of Joe Kelly's run on Action Comics?
a) Action Comics #761: "For a Thousand Years..."
b) Action Comics #764: "Quiet After the Storm"
c) Action Comics #775: "What's So Funny 'Bout Truth, Justice, and the American Way?"
d) Action Comics #784: "The Gift"
e) Action Comics #800: "A Hero's Journey"
13) Which Hollywood starlet would have become Mrs. Clark according to the "Tobey & Clark" prospectus?
a) Kate Hudson
b) Alexis Bledel
c) Katie Holmes
d) Maggie Gyllenhaal
e) Kirsten Dunst
14) Royal Tenenbaums : Arrested Development :: Rushmore : ????
a) The OC
b) Dawson's Creek
c) Two Guys, A Girl, and a Pizza Place
d) Venture Bros.
e) Ed
15) On which night is The Rum Bandit most likely to strike?
a) Monday
b) Tuesday
c) Wednesday
d) Thursday
e) Friday
16) In which Montana town does "The Secret Origin of Clark" take place?
a) Billings
b) Helena
c) Great Falls
d) Missoula
e) Butte
17) "What If the Amazing Spider-Man was Black?" is...
a) The Third Short Story by L. F. Clark
b) The Fourth Short Story by L. F. Clark
c) The Fifth Short Story by L. F. Clark
d) The Sixth Short Story by L. F. Clark
e) The Seventh Short Story by L. F. Clark
18) Which is Clark's favorite Wilson brother?
a) Luke
b) Owen
c) Andrew
d) Sam
e) Wade
19) What is the theme song to "Tobey & Clark"?
a) Ben Folds Five, "Evaporated"
b) William Shatner, "Real"
c) Jet, "Hold On"
d) Wilco, "Theologians"
e) Electric Light Orchestra, "Mr. Blue Sky"
20) What city has Clark always wanted to run away to?
a) Metropolis, Illinois
b) Pella, Iowa
c) Forest Hills, Queens
d) Teaneck, New Jersey
e) Hollywood, California
21) How many times did Clark see Spider-Man 2 in theaters?
a) 5
b) 6
c) 7
d) 8
e) 9
22) Which of the following bloggers did NOT have a link to their blog during the celebrated Post-It Note era?
a) Caleb
b) Mel
c) Jacobs
d) Will
e) J-Dub
23) When is Brick Day?
a) February 25
b) April 13
c) September 1
d) October 14
e) December 26
24) Which episode of Seinfeld truly made Clark a Seinfeld fan?
a) "The Contest"
b) "The Opposite"
c) "The Race"
d) "The Junior Mint"
e) "The Betrayal"
25) When did Clark first come up with the idea of doing a Prowler series for Marvel?
a) while running
b) while shampooing a carpet
c) while watching Training Day
d) when he saw a picture of TV on the Radio
e) what the hell are you talking about?
26) Which song did Duk-El of Krypton want to use in a Smallville-based music video?
a) Radiohead, "Sail to the Moon"
b) Foo Fighters, "Next Year"
c) Ben Folds Five, "Air"
d) Wilco, "Airline to Heaven"
e) what the hell are you talking about?
27) Which of the following items was NOT part of Clark's "pile of junk to bring happiness", but probably should have been?
a) a pair of overalls
b) a bike
c) a bag of double-stuft oreos
d) a new pair of glasses
e) what the hell are you talking about?
28) Put the following books from the Little Black Duck series in chronological order (ignoring the time-trotting nature of Time Quack which should technically place it first and last, alpha & omega).
a) Duck Days of Summer
b) Along Came a Spider
c) The Unhappy Duckling
d) Time Quack
e) For All the Laughter That Lies Ahead
29) Name the restaurant in front of which Stan Lee gets shot in the pilot episode of Tobey & Clark.
a) Golden Lion
b) Golden Tiger
c) Golden Dragon
d) Golden Spider
e) what the hell are you talking about?
30) Clark watches a lot of cartoons. Which one has he never mentioned being a fan of?
a) Recess
b) Fillmore!
c) Teen Titans
d) Spongebob Squarepants
e) Samurai Jack
31) What will Clark never forgive Kate Hudson for?
a) Alex & Emma
b) Almost Famous
c) Gossip
d) How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days
e) Le Divorce
32) True or false: Clark has written an entry based on the title of every episode of Ed.
33) Which of the following comic book icons was NOT set to appear in a Little Black Duck story before Clark quit uni-ball pens cold turkey?
a) The Incredible Hulk
b) Wolverine
c) John Constanine
d) The Thing
e) Doctor Strange
34) In the Little Black Duck universe, the Black Panther is actually...
a) The Little Black Duck from the future
b) A clone of the Little Black Duck
c) The Little Black Duck from an alternate universe
d) A clone of the Little Black Duck from the future
e) A clone of the Little Black Duck from the future of an alternate universe
35) Clark has regaled us with many tales of his odd jobs over the last two years. Where has he NOT worked during the tenure of this blog?
a) Target
b) Worlds of Fun
c) Columbia Public Library
d) Campus Dining Service
e) McDavid Front Desk
36) Which Hollywood starlet takes Clark's "man flower" in the pilot episode of Tobey & Clark?
a) Kate Hudson
b) Alexis Bledel
c) Katie Holmes
d) Maggie Gyllenhaal
e) Kirsten Dunst
37) The longest living Clark family pet was a cat. What was its name?
a) Mookie
b) Oliver
c) Streaky
d) Crazy Legs
e) what the hell are you talking about?
38) Which Marvel Comics character is the focus of "What If the Amazing Spider-Man was Black?"
a) Spider-Man
b) The Prowler
c) Black Panther
d) Luke Cage
e) what the hell are you talking about?
39) What's the longest period of time Clark's gone without updating his blog?
a) an hour
b) a day
c) a week
d) a month
e) a year
40) According to an episode of Dharma and Greg, Clark is currently in his...
a) third incarnation
b) fourth incarnation
c) fifth incarnation
d) sixth incarnation
e) what the hell are you talking about?
41) Clark once had a dream that Robin William was God. Who was the devil?
a) Schwartz
b) Walburn
c) Tuttle
d) Maynard
e) what the hell are you talking about?
42) According to Clark, how many degrees do you need to turn to virtually disappear at a really crowded party?
a) 10
b) 15
c) 20
d) 25
e) 30
43) True or false: Clark prefers Kill Bill Vol. 2 to Vol. 1.
44) According to Frank Kralc, which Lenar Clark character was most likely to get a Wizard Fan Award for Best Supporting Character?
a) Brent Jones
b) Caleb Prewitt
c) Erin Tuttle
d) Kate Jeffries
e) Melissa Maynard
45) True or false: There has been a time in which Clark has posted twice in the same day.
46) According to a drunk and depressed Clark, the one question this blog is constantly asking over and over is...
a) Am I the only person in the world who's generally curious as to what the hell Jaleel White is doing these days?
b) So the fuck what?
c) Will I always be alone?
d) Am I the Ultimate Spider-Fan?
e) what the hell are you talking about?
47) The single best day of Clark's life involved...
a) Having only slept two or three hours
b) Flying a kite
c) Being drunk before five
d) Leaving Columbia
e) what the hell are you talking about?
48) If Clark ever wrote and directed a movie, he'd like the exit music (for the film) to be...
a) Radiohead, "Motion Picture Soundtrack"
b) Billy Bragg & Wilco, "Another Man Done Gone"
c) Ben Folds Five, "Lullabye"
d) Rhett Miller, "Come Around"
e) what the hell are you talking about?
49) What is Clark's favorite month?
a) April
b) December
c) July
d) March
e) October
50) How does Clark want to die?
a) in his sleep
b) in a snow field
c) in the throws of passion
d) in the spring of his 33rd year on a cross
e) what the hell are you talking about?
51) If Clark had done a cartoon for the Maneater, he would have titled it...
a) Pseudologica Fantastica
b) Sticky Situations
c) Ducking Out
d) No Tiptoe Through the Tulips
e) Inaction Comics
52) What is Clark’s favorite constellation?
a) Orion
b) The Big Dipper
c) Cassiopeia
d) Osidius the Emphatic
e) Ursa Major
53) Which of the sacraments is the only one that Clark "gets"?
a) Baptism
b) Confession
c) Communion
d) Confirmation
e) Last Rites
54) Whose name has Clark vowed to work into any and everything he may get published?
a) Melissa Cooper
b) Melissa Ford
c) Melissa Maynard
d) Melissa Stuvall
e) Melissa Yoder
55) When is Joe Kelly Day?
a) February 25
b) April 13
c) September 1
d) October 14
e) December 26
56) What does Clark consider to be the craziest month in which he's most likely to have romantic complications?
a) April
b) December
c) July
d) March
e) October
57) Clark's final college paper -- the last death-defying feat of the Daredevil English Major -- was an analysis of which author's work?
a) Anne Enright
b) Joe Kelly
c) Garth Ennis
d) Michael Chabon
e) Christopher Priest
58) On which day did Clark claim he would leave Columbia?
a) Monday
b) Tuesday
c) Wednesday
d) Thursday
e) Friday
59) True or false: Clark is the ultimate Spider-fan.
60) Which of the following is NOT a character in "Little Brown Boy Blues"?
a) Fred Jones
b) Tamara Easter
c) Eddie Walker
d) Morgan Davis
e) Annie Waits
61) Which Hollywood starlet does Clark meet in a strip club in the pilot episode of "Tobey & Clark"?
a) Kate Hudson
b) Alexis Bledel
c) Katie Holmes
d) Maggie Gyllenhaal
e) Kirsten Dunst
62) Who was NOT set to appear in Steve Urkel: Spider-Man?
a) Lana Lang
b) Rory Gilmore
c) Samuel Powers
d) Joey Potter
e) Penny Lane
63) Who was the first to apothesize the future Mrs. Clark?
a) Schwartz
b) Walburn
c) Tuttle
d) Maynard
e) Jeffries
64) Which super villain gave Clark the most trouble while playing Spider-Man: The Movie on his sister's X-Box?
a) The Green Goblin
b) The Scorpion
c) Kraven the Hunter
d) Doctor Octopus
e) The Shocker
65) Clark is obsessed with the career of Jaleel White. Who does he feel White should do a buddy-picture with to rehabilitate his career?
a) Tobey Maquire
b) Adam Brody
c) James Van Der Beek
d) Morgan Freeman
e) Kate Jeffries
66) In the obligatory scene of "Little Brown Boy Blues," Joe Kelly tells Noah Brown "there are things in your past that you just can't go back to... They were great and wonderful, but they're gone..." Where did Clark get this line from?
a) A Joe Kelly comic.
b) one of his professors
c) quoted it from an episode of Ed
d) he's not a hack; he made it up himself
e) what the hell are you talking about?
67) True or false: Clark may not be lucky with ladies, but he's lucky with cards.
68) Which issue of Joe Kelly's run on Action Comics contributed to Clark's fear of moving to New York?
a) Action Comics #761: "For a Thousand Years..."
b) Action Comics #764: "Quiet After the Storm"
c) Action Comics #775: "What's So Funny 'Bout Truth, Justice, and the American Way?"
d) Action Comics #784: "The Gift"
e) Action Comics #800: "A Hero's Journey"
69) How many times has the word "anyhoozle" been used on the blog (including its use to ask this very question)?
a) 14
b) 15
c) 16
d) 17
e) 18
Sorry, kids. No bonus questions or extra credit...
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