It's amazing how people define roles for themselves and put handcuffs on their experience and are constantly surprised by the things a roulette universe spins at them. Here am I, they say, a mere wholesale fish monger, at the controls of a giant airliner because as it turns out all the crew had the Coronation Chicken. Who'd have thought it? Here am I, a housewife who merely went out this morning to bank the proceeds of the Playgroup Association's Car Boot Sale, on the run with one million in stolen cash and a rather handsome man from the Battery Chickens' Liberation Organization. Amazing! Here am I, a perfectly ordinary hockey player, suddenly realizing I'm the Son of God with five hundred devoted followers in a nice little commune in Empowerment, Southern California. Who'd have thought it?
- Terry Pratchett, Hogfather

"The Test is Cancelled"
Naw, I'm just fucking with you. I'm fifty-someodd questions into a 100-question test (which may become a 75-question test). Thus far, it's all multiple choice and true-false, with one short answer, and I'm debating the possibility of an essay question. (Probably won't though. I have a bad track record with assigning essays. Only one of my FIG kids turned in their final FIG paper.) Most of them are trick questions. And instead of "none of the above" I decided to go with "What the hell are you talking about?" which'll hopefully confuse some people.

I'm sorry it's taken so long. Target's been kicking my ass this week. Expect it Monday or Tuesday.

"Joe Coolly"
I'm halfway done composing an e-mail interview with Joe Kelly, but I'm running out of viable questions. "Will you be my friend?" doesn't seem very professional. "How is it that thow wilt manifest thyself unto us, and not unto the world?" seems rather delusional. And "Where you going with that gun in your hand?" might just be confusing. (Anybody get this? Anybody?)

I'm sure I'll figure it out soon enough.

"I was Debra Messing"
Not a hoax! Not an imaginary story! Just an odd and awkward metaphor!

God. I need a drink...

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