Sometimes it is necessary to touch bottom in order to know which way is up; to go a long distance down the wrong road before you know the right way.
- Salman Rushdie, The Ground Beneath Her Feet
"Heart of Clarkness"
There's a place in north Kansas City, Kansas, that will pay you money the second time you donate plasma. On Thursday, I took a day off from not making any money selling ice cream to not make any money donating plasma. It was a long drive. I-70 construction had me doing one way circles around downtown to get onto 70 West again. I eventually found the place, walked into the front door, and decided I'd rather go home and read Harry Potter. On the way back to the car, however, some guy asked me if I'd give him a ride to his house, and for some reason, I said sure.
Now, keep and mind, I'm the same guy who once drove Gai to St. Louis because I had nothing better to do, so this shouldn't be too much of a surprise. At the same time, however, the chances of Gai knifing me in the gut and stealing my car were fairly remote (though there were times during that trip in which I certainly wouldn't have minded him doing so, as long as I didn't have to listen to him anymore). Apparantly, this inability to say no to someone vaguely in need, even if all logic, common sense, and street-smart survival thinking just scream SAY NO YOU STUPID BASTARD! lies at the core of who I am... or at the heart of Clarkness.
So I took this stranger to the liquor store to cash his check, then to some house he didn't have a key for. (Once again, I had somehow wandered into the ghetto. Again, not as many gunshops as I was expecting... and no singing.)
After this, I decided to see if I wanted to give the plasma thing another shot, and stopped at a gas station to get a sandwich. While I was eating it in the plasma place parking lot, some other guy walked up to my car and asked if I'd give him a ride. And, because apparantly I wasn't that sure that I really wanted to live anymore, I said "Okay."
So it was back to the liquor store so he could cash his check, and then it was circles and deadends through the suburbian jungle because he wasn't quite sure how to get where he was going. I let him play this CD he had with him, and for some strange reason, the song he played was a rap about Spider-Man.
So anyway, that's how I became the ghetto cab for the day.
"Down and Out at CiCi's Pizza"
I drove home, and took a nap. Eventually, my mom woke me up and told me that Andy and Brent Jones, Part Two had stopped by to ask me to dinner. So I spent my last five bucks at a pizza buffet with my two blow job high school friends and Danielle Schwartz.
"I Scream, You Scream"
There's this episode of Family Guy where the baby Stewie playing Pictionary with this married couple that's moved into the house because Peter's about to lose it to this shady bank (Don't ask... it's not important anyway), and Stewie's at the drawing board, and time's running out, and this one guy on his team keeps guessing "Circle. Circle. Circle. Circle. Circle."
So time runs out and Stewie just glares at him and shouts "Circle? It wasn't right the first time, what made you think it'd be the next ten times you shout it! God!" Then he storms out.
That's how I felt after listening to Danielle ask if anybody wanted to get ice cream, or if there were any ice cream places still open, or if Brent had any ice cream while we all watched Halloween (which sucked!) at Jones' house. And then, when Brent went and finally got her some ice cream, she was all "I don't eat chocolate."
God!
"PLA 80-Page Giant"
We have this amusement park in Kansas City called Worlds of Fun. I've been there a number of times, but it's been, like seven years since the last time, because, to be honest, I don't like amusement parks that much.
I drove up there this afternoon. It took a while, because for some reason, I thought the place was off of 29 Highway (probably because that's the way I take to Friendly Frank's Comic Cavern when I'm desperate enough to go all the way up there). I got to Barry Road before I realized I'd gone too far.
Now I'm not one to look behind, I know that times must change, but way up there on Barry Road they do things very strange. It took me forever to realize that I should have taken 435 (which had been blocked to high heaven).
Here's a tip on parking at World's of Fun: When you get to the parking attendant, tell them that you're just there for an interview, and they tell you to just park, and you don't have to pay the seven dollar fee. That will show those assholes who's boss, and who's standing out in the heat for seven bucks an hour. Ha!
But when you pull up to the parking lot attendant to pull this little trick, make sure it's not me you're trying to pull it on, because I know it already. Because when they asked me where I wanted to work during the interview, and they said they had openings in Food, Merchandise, Parking, or Ride Operation, I considered the various things that'd happened to me in parking lots during these last couple of days, and made up my mind.
Orientation's tomorrow. Get ready for "Training Day II: Electric Boogaloo."
"Walking into Spider Webs"
I never watch MTV.
So how freaking lucky was I to just happen to be on the channel when the new Spider-Man cartoon premiered?
I swear to god, someone up there really likes me today.
- Salman Rushdie, The Ground Beneath Her Feet
"Heart of Clarkness"
There's a place in north Kansas City, Kansas, that will pay you money the second time you donate plasma. On Thursday, I took a day off from not making any money selling ice cream to not make any money donating plasma. It was a long drive. I-70 construction had me doing one way circles around downtown to get onto 70 West again. I eventually found the place, walked into the front door, and decided I'd rather go home and read Harry Potter. On the way back to the car, however, some guy asked me if I'd give him a ride to his house, and for some reason, I said sure.
Now, keep and mind, I'm the same guy who once drove Gai to St. Louis because I had nothing better to do, so this shouldn't be too much of a surprise. At the same time, however, the chances of Gai knifing me in the gut and stealing my car were fairly remote (though there were times during that trip in which I certainly wouldn't have minded him doing so, as long as I didn't have to listen to him anymore). Apparantly, this inability to say no to someone vaguely in need, even if all logic, common sense, and street-smart survival thinking just scream SAY NO YOU STUPID BASTARD! lies at the core of who I am... or at the heart of Clarkness.
So I took this stranger to the liquor store to cash his check, then to some house he didn't have a key for. (Once again, I had somehow wandered into the ghetto. Again, not as many gunshops as I was expecting... and no singing.)
After this, I decided to see if I wanted to give the plasma thing another shot, and stopped at a gas station to get a sandwich. While I was eating it in the plasma place parking lot, some other guy walked up to my car and asked if I'd give him a ride. And, because apparantly I wasn't that sure that I really wanted to live anymore, I said "Okay."
So it was back to the liquor store so he could cash his check, and then it was circles and deadends through the suburbian jungle because he wasn't quite sure how to get where he was going. I let him play this CD he had with him, and for some strange reason, the song he played was a rap about Spider-Man.
So anyway, that's how I became the ghetto cab for the day.
"Down and Out at CiCi's Pizza"
I drove home, and took a nap. Eventually, my mom woke me up and told me that Andy and Brent Jones, Part Two had stopped by to ask me to dinner. So I spent my last five bucks at a pizza buffet with my two blow job high school friends and Danielle Schwartz.
"I Scream, You Scream"
There's this episode of Family Guy where the baby Stewie playing Pictionary with this married couple that's moved into the house because Peter's about to lose it to this shady bank (Don't ask... it's not important anyway), and Stewie's at the drawing board, and time's running out, and this one guy on his team keeps guessing "Circle. Circle. Circle. Circle. Circle."
So time runs out and Stewie just glares at him and shouts "Circle? It wasn't right the first time, what made you think it'd be the next ten times you shout it! God!" Then he storms out.
That's how I felt after listening to Danielle ask if anybody wanted to get ice cream, or if there were any ice cream places still open, or if Brent had any ice cream while we all watched Halloween (which sucked!) at Jones' house. And then, when Brent went and finally got her some ice cream, she was all "I don't eat chocolate."
God!
"PLA 80-Page Giant"
We have this amusement park in Kansas City called Worlds of Fun. I've been there a number of times, but it's been, like seven years since the last time, because, to be honest, I don't like amusement parks that much.
I drove up there this afternoon. It took a while, because for some reason, I thought the place was off of 29 Highway (probably because that's the way I take to Friendly Frank's Comic Cavern when I'm desperate enough to go all the way up there). I got to Barry Road before I realized I'd gone too far.
Now I'm not one to look behind, I know that times must change, but way up there on Barry Road they do things very strange. It took me forever to realize that I should have taken 435 (which had been blocked to high heaven).
Here's a tip on parking at World's of Fun: When you get to the parking attendant, tell them that you're just there for an interview, and they tell you to just park, and you don't have to pay the seven dollar fee. That will show those assholes who's boss, and who's standing out in the heat for seven bucks an hour. Ha!
But when you pull up to the parking lot attendant to pull this little trick, make sure it's not me you're trying to pull it on, because I know it already. Because when they asked me where I wanted to work during the interview, and they said they had openings in Food, Merchandise, Parking, or Ride Operation, I considered the various things that'd happened to me in parking lots during these last couple of days, and made up my mind.
Orientation's tomorrow. Get ready for "Training Day II: Electric Boogaloo."
"Walking into Spider Webs"
I never watch MTV.
So how freaking lucky was I to just happen to be on the channel when the new Spider-Man cartoon premiered?
I swear to god, someone up there really likes me today.
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