Heaven goes by favour. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in.
- Mark Twain

"Peace to the Rest, Crazy Legs"
I found out recently that my dog died a year ago.

If that seems strange to you, you're lucky because you obviously don't spend most of your life away from the people you love.

"Up on the Roof"
Today, while searching for a ladder to change the roadside marquee, I ended up on the roof of the movie theatre. So of course, I walked right up to the edge, looked down, and said "Am I not supposed to have what I want? I want a life of my own. I am Spider-Man no more." I was in too good a mood to really enjoy it, though.

If that seems strange to you, you're lucky because you obviously don't see melancholy as some type of virtue.

"Why Does the Spider-Man 2 Soundtrack Suck?"
hope dangles on a string
like slow spinning redemption
winding in and winding out
the shine of it has caught my eye
and roped me in
so mesmerizing, so hypnotizing
i am captivated

My god. Point me to the fourteen-year-old who wrote this, because I'm convinced I could kick his ass, and his ass definitely needs judicious kicking.

I don't know what hacks me off more, the fact that this self-indulgent crap constitutes the best that this soundtrack's got to offer, or the fact that I kind of find it a little catchy.

Let me explain something to you: I've started drinking Dr. Pepper again because Spider-Man's on the can. I tried to talk Prewitt out of buying the reduced-fat Cheez-Its so we could get the box with Spider-Man on it. I've spent the last three weeks playing that weird 8-deck solitaire game on the new laptap because it's called Spider-Solitaire.

I have this strange compulsion to buy the Spider-Man 2 soundtrack, but I just can't. And I waste money on a daily basis. That's how bad this soundtrack is. Maybe I could conceive of buying it as a going-away present for my sister before she flies off to New Zealand, because Ja'nelle loves what passes for punk these days, and that what they've crammed into every nook and cranny of this disc, and I hate good punk for petesake.

You're telling me they couldn't have thrown on one Ben Folds track? Maybe a little Wilco? Some Radiohead? I'd have settled for some fucking R.E.M. if that's what it took! And where the hell is that damn opera track from the trailer? I sing it in the shower. It pounds away in my head when I run in the morning. I can't sleep at night for fear it will fill my dreams. Give it to me, already! Give it to me now! I want it! I must have it!

If that seems strange to you, you're lucky, because it really should.

So let me slip away! So let me slip away!