You know... I've had this sense of things long enough to see what's happening around me. This isn't just an ordinary event. This is big. This is the beginning of something. Or the end.
- Paul Jenkins, "A Death in the Family"

"You Whore!"
It was a tough choice to make, but in celebration of my 150th Post ("celebration"? I really need a life), I've opted to avoid any sense of subtext in todays proceedings.

I've been beating myself up trying to figure out how to pull this off exactly. I mean, without some deeper message to get across, what could possibly form the narrative thread on which to hang a string of words? And I thought about it and I thought about it and I thought about it, and you know what I came up with?

Product endorsement.

I am Lenar F. Clark, Charming Liar, Daredevil English Grad, and Corporate Whore.

"I Guess It Beats Banging on My Drum All Day..." SPONSORED BY SONY PICTURES
I will be paying the few bills I feel like paying with a meager salary from GOODRICH THEATRE's lovely and spacious Forum 8 facility here in Columbia, MO. I'm really looking forward to my job with GOODRICH THEATRE's fantastic Forum 8 location, working in a fast-paced though friendly environment and enriching the lives of our movie-going patrons.

MICROSOFT PRESENTS: "Screw Thinking Different, My Dad Says Macs are Made by Pinkos"
I am very happy today because I served my country in the most important way: I bought things. Today's purchases included a stop at Columbia's premiere comic book and gaming outlet, ROCK BOTTOM COMICS. I also went to the University of Missouri's UNIVERSITY BOOKSTORE and bought a SANDISK JUMP DRIVE so I could transfer files from my brand new DELL INSPIRON 1500 laptap to my old POS computer and back.

So really, any depression I might have felt this morning was clearly wiped away through simple consumerism. You couldn't get that in the USSR. God Bless Capitalism: American Style!

"DR. PEPPER Reminds You to Mix It with SCOTTS BRAND FERTILIZER to Make Rocket Fuel Responsibly"
Well, that's it for today's installment of Keep the Duck from the Door, made possible by MARVEL COMICS and the annual financial support of readers like you (and by that, I mean I used to steal money out of Jeffries purse sometimes). Please, tune in tomorrow, and don't forget: send in the proof of purchase off of any two KELLOGG's cereal boxes and send it to me with $.37 for postage, and you can receive 1 of 7 different autographed TACO BELL wrappers from a CHEESY GORDITA CRUNCH that I actually ate! Send in those box tops soon, supplies are limited!

Well that tears it. I'm fat crackers.